My Last Thoughts

Walking slowly with my blood-stained hand,
I see myself in the mirror, torn asunder in a bloody mess.
The reality strikes me hard as I fall and land
on the cold floor, letting blood drip in my hour of weakness.

Vision blurs as I try to whisper
but nothing cries out or resound.
Is heaven crying? I try to ponder,
but I'm not a thinker, and the words wound.

This is nothing, I think inbetween gasps,
but everything is not alright, my mind tells me.
He'll be back soon enough when the time lasps,
my final hour almost at hand, what will I be...?

Footsteps echo in my mind as I picture him,
What will become of me? The words spill forth,
Rough hands grab me, yanking me towards in the dim.
Then the pain starts again. Once, twice, thrice, a fourth.

Even if the suns sees or if the rain hears,
no one will hear my screams, it's useless.
It stops and I slump to the floor, lying in tears
The bloody nightmare has ceased while I'm still a mess.

As I wait, I wonder if he'll know just what were my last thoughts?

_____________________

Your thoughts?

Hopefully, it isn't too dark or anything...

This is my first time writing stuff on this subject.

Nice. I like the writing scheme, and I dont think it was too dark; it's hard to write for this subject. Hope to see it with amnesty

First off, it's nigh impossible not to be at least semi-dark with this kind of subject.

I think your second stanza is a bit awkward... in that the message isn't totally clear and your rhymes seem a little forced. What were you trying to portray with it?

Once, twice, thrice, a fourth. I don't really like this. D:

It stops and I slump to the floor, laying in tears
The bloody nightmare has cease while I'm still a mess.
Lying in tears...?
Has ceased?

It's not too bad, but it seems a little forced, over all.

Some references to my poem, I see...

@LINDSAY

Thanks! And yeah, I tend to avoid these kind of despressing topics... But oh well.


@ANGELA

Oh, thank-you for pointing those out. I was a bit effy on the second stanza. Truthfully, I couldn't think of anything that rhymed with "whisper", but now that I think of it, maybe "ponder"? I was trying to potray the kind of trash-talking woman might face from a guy, like "you aren't a thinker, just a poccession". You know, that kind of thing, but yeah. I suck at these subjects the most. Mostly because it gives me bad images in my head and they don't exactly leave, and also leaves a bad taste in my mouth. So sorry if it was confusing.

As for the second part, thanks. It sounds better.

Oh and for the "Once. Twice. Thrice. A fouth." line... I couldn't think of anything that went with "forth". Sorry! XD

That's ok. And haha, I understand. Your aversion to the topic that is.
HOWEVER. I feel as if I should address the issue...
Um. Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but ... ok.

So I wrote a poem.
You wrote a poem.

The format is similar.

I mention raindrops falling from heaven.
And you say, "Heaven crying."

I'll let the dripping blood go. It's a morbid subject.

Echoing footsteps...

And like... your character does the same thing mine does. >.>
She falls. And dies. And wonders in her head.

>>

Like I said, I suck at this subject...

Well, my character doesn't die (hopefully).

But, yeah, my brain is fried so, yeah...

Did I mension I suck at writing this stuff?

.... That doesn't answer my question....?

I know...

Forgive me. TT_TT

I tried.

... Tried what...?
To answer...
To attempt this prompt...
To copy me...?

No, I...

I shouldn't have even bothered...

*is depressed*

*perks up again*

Sorry, I really wasn't trying to copy you Angela. I liked the imagery but it was more in front of a mirror in the bathroom-like scene. Blame all the movies I've watched with it. They always have the same repeating scenes, so yeah.

I'll try again. But, really I suck at this subject. So don't expect anything really good... (Yeah, I know I'm dissing myself... Ba haa haaa...)

Wait...
If it's in a bathroom, why is it raining?

Honestly, I don't know.

Perhaps it was outside the window.

Then again, where's the window at? XD

Look. You don't have to try so hard if you don't want to write about it.
If you want to, then by all means, go ahead.

I just feel a little paranoid about the similarities of your work compared to mine.
I mean, the last time that happened, you actually took "Obsolete"...

.......Don't worry.

I just felt pressured because of the email that was sent out.

ALL POEMY STUFF FOR GENDER VIOLENCE MUST BE HANDED IN BY FRIDAY OR WE'LL HAVE YOUR @$$ES. (okay, it wasn't worded that way, but it put the fear of god in me or at least the writer goddess in me...)

Honestly, I had already told Zerin that I was too busy. So, its basically writer's jam (that's what I call it) When something like this happens. Don't worry, I do it irrenuglarly. (I know spelling, so sue me...but please don't)

However, don't worry about the Obsolete/Obscure thingy. I found a more properable name for it. I just used the names as placeholders really...

It's...Corona.

... Yeah. But I said it was optional. FOR THOSE WHO ARE INTERESTED. Whatever pressure you felt was misplaced -- you misunderstood.

... You have a writer goddess in you...? T_T

Well I know. But still, the fact that you took it without asking still irks me. Like. Alot.

I feel like you're missing what I'm saying whenever I say something, and I don't know how to be clear without coming across as confrontational.

Regardless of whether you feel pressured or not, or whether you tried or whatever -- I asked you if your poem was inspired by mine. It's a yes or no answer.

Yes.

It was highly inspirational on your part.

That's the damn truth, honestly.



Does that help?

And I think, I'll withdraw this and refrain from doing this writer jam stuff.

AND I tend to take everything literally! *Grins* I hope that isn't too much of a problem. *sweatdrop*

Maybe I'll stick to commenting since no one seems to comment on my other stuff. My brother is a bit edgy (meaning excited and nervous at the same time) since no one really took a look at his stuff. In fact, he hasn't come to several past meetings has he? I'll talk to him, but it might help if people took a look at his stuff. So, could anyone just drop a line for him? Please? I'll delete this part of my message later. He'll die if he found out I posted this, but I'm worried.

Ehhh. Yeah. I suppose.

Megan, by all means, continue posting. I'd just like you to be more careful with taking ideas. It's okay to be inspired, but you have refrain from copying in an obvious manner...

Yeah, I know...

But sometimes my mind just goes with it and carries it too far.

My mind scares me sometimes...

And that's the truth. O>O