Dark S3cret Admin
Number of posts : 458 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-17
| Subject: Off to the side and in the Rain Fri Feb 13, 2009 2:36 am | |
| Off to the side and in the rain She stared silently withdrawn Frustration and contempt Welling deep within
The sliding doors open With a pneumatic hiss Sounding almost like a sigh Escaping from tired lips
She didn’t really notice him As he stepped off the bus Until he called out, his voice Ringing out through the
Rhythmic beat of the drops That slide off the red glass roof And onto the pavement where They explode and trickle away
Then he turns and looks Straight at her with his Faded eyes, narrow and Pale and ghostly and cold
Like the howling wind And she watches his lips Move and mouth words she Can barely hear
His clothes are washed out Hanging loose on his frame Like his skin on his bones There’s not much there
But she’s fascinated and Moves closer without thinking She spots the glint of silver Tucked neatly in his flesh
As he turns his head and She can’t help but smile She realizes she’s said nothing Given nothing
Until he starts to walk away With his hand plunged deep into His pocket, he pulls out a box And opens the cap
His fingers lift the flame To the cigarette in his mouth And he breathes out the smoke Roiling about his face
And she wonders briefly What it’d be like to touch His face with her fingertips How it would feel
With his head between her hands And his lips on her skin But the moment quickly passes And she shakes the thought away
Letting it drain out of her mind Willing it to leak from her skull Washing away everything else Off to the side and in the rain | |
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root vegetable
Number of posts : 52 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-26
| Subject: Re: Off to the side and in the Rain Fri Feb 13, 2009 3:33 pm | |
| so, HELLO why is it that when im reading this, i have a really, really, really hot guy pictured? since he's smoking, and i hate smoking, but you somehow manage to make smoking sexy... i like it. (the poem itself; and not just for the lovely visual that comes with it ) there was rhythm with the sylables; it wasnt like what i've heard be eloquently described as 'word barf' (essentially, the words are just kinda there, and theres no rhyme or reason -rhyme being the one more commenly deemed important- to them). and how it starts and finishes with the same sentence (is that it would be called? sentence, line, phrase, that thing) is cool too; not exactly a sence of closure, but it ties back into the begining. and, just for kicks: i challenge you to write a poem thats not humour, per say, but not dark and moody (but moody in a good way; your stuff is deep-moody, not emo-moody). u up for it? | |
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Dark S3cret Admin
Number of posts : 458 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-17
| Subject: Re: Off to the side and in the Rain Sat Mar 14, 2009 11:20 pm | |
| I CAN MAKE ANYTHING SEXY. LOL, I thought I replied to this? Haha, the lovely visual comes from your overactive imagination... dear Lindsay, not my amateur attempt at stringing words together in a mildly coherent manner. =] I'm still working on your challenge, haha, haven't had enough courage yet. | |
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| Subject: Re: Off to the side and in the Rain | |
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