“Do you love me?” she blurted suddenly, as helpless to contain her insecurities as if she were trying to staunch the flow of tears once they’ve begun. Her exceedingly incessant vulnerability was just as rampant and rabid as her imagination; and funnily enough both were useful some times, but they were mostly hindrances to her otherwise logical and rational perception of reality.
Still lagging behind her friend like a clingy child, she stumbled a little as her own words floated back to her ears and replayed in her mind like a broken record; her own voice pitiable in memory.
She could feel the flow of heat travel up her body like magma flowing to spill and it radiated from her face; she was terrified that maybe tendrils of smoke would lift from her skin and unfurl into the air; so for once she was somewhat thankful for the camouflage of already flushed cheeks, a gift from the biting cold wind. So pathetic! She raged at herself, hating how much like a fool she appeared and she was surprised that she hadn’t gotten used to it already; it happened so often it was almost her second nature.
When finally she gathered enough courage to look up, glad for once that her bangs veiled her eyes so it obscured her otherwise precious view of the outside world; she found herself staring into a leveled gaze that sent violent shivers down her back. As clichéd as it was, she wished she could drown in the irises and dismissed the longing feeling, letting it slide for this one day of the year.
A small chuckle broke her reverie and she was disappointed; for a moment everything was fine and peaceful. She knew nothing but. The quiet laughter was barely audible in the howling wind, like it was swallowed. It seemed as if there was no sound at all except for that of the mournful melody which tugged painfully at her heartstrings; just like when her friend played the guitar.
She sank gratefully back into memories, trying to distract herself of the silence that seemed to bear down upon them. She closed her eyes briefly and a picture of her friend slowly formed – this was one of those rare times she was grateful for her zealous and unbridled imagination. The slim silhouette framed against the window, sitting back to the setting sun. She could picture the hands gently curling around the knobs, twining them to get the perfect tone, and the long, slim fingers fleetingly caressing the strings, skipping over them lightly some times and others clawing almost viciously. As a ghost of the tune began to play in her thoughts, she nearly lost herself completely in the film of memory.
“Of course,” came the long-awaited reply, instantly dispelling her reverie.
She felt elated, felt like she could fly; as if she was lighter than air, as if love actually had lent her wings. Before she would have been skeptical, she never thought someone could actually feel like that, it seemed too… unreal, but it was – to her pleasant surprise. Not that she noticed, but all her previous annoyances and embarrassments vanished like they never existed. Hearing those words was like magically erasing them from memory, and they were worth feeling like a fool any day.
“…You’re my best friend. You’ll stay my best friend… forever.”
The words seem to float around aimlessly for a few suspended moments, then as if they remembered where they were supposed go, they hit her full in the face with undue haste. Even then it took a moment to register, and when it did, her spirits plummeted. She felt like her heart had been dropped from the eightieth floor of a building. She so desperately wanted to ask, to clear it out of the way, but her teeth seemed to be glued together, her jaw locked shut. Even if she did manage to loosen both, she doubted she could speak; her tongue felt heavy and inarticulate in her mouth, what were the chances that it’d do better out?
Only a friend?
“What, no answer?” She felt a gentle nudge between her ribs. “Disappointed?” She looked up once more and caught a twinkle, a mischievous glitter in beautiful eyes. Her gaze lowered to the lips, which were curled into a smile so divine she yearned to reach out and trace it with her forefinger, to imprint the shape of it in her heart.
She shook her heard; there would be no answer today.
Maybe tomorrow.
There were so many unspoken words heavy in the atmosphere as they parted ways.
But it was those words never said that meant everything in the world.
