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Dark S3cret Admin
Number of posts : 458 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-17
| Subject: See Mon Nov 23, 2009 11:29 pm | |
| And your breath fogs the misty glass As you look out the window and catch Sight of yourself in the mirror
Your eyes turn unwittingly towards the Throngs of people strolling in every which Direction and then you see her
You stare and stare and you wonder if She’ll notice, but before you can react she Has turned and you see her smile
Stretch honey slow and just as sweet Across her face and your heart flutters When she sees you | |
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root vegetable
Number of posts : 52 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-26
| Subject: Re: See Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:12 pm | |
| Angela, someone's hacked into your account. they've mimicked your style perfectly, but they're writing blatantly nice and happy things. I feel i should inform you of that | |
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Dark S3cret Admin
Number of posts : 458 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-17
| Subject: Re: See Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:18 pm | |
| ZOMG NO WAI. ... no crit? I mean, come on. I wrote something lovey-dovey and crap so like, there's gotta be something wrong with it. Right? :] | |
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root vegetable
Number of posts : 52 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-26
| Subject: Re: See Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:24 pm | |
| Other than the use of the honey adjective and then the fluttering makes my stomach do unpleasent things? no, its fine. you've really perfected your style (i think, anyway. '...wait, lindsay think? since when?!' i hear you cry. 'since i started reading angelas awesome stuff and she made me think cuz you can only give a 'YAY LOVE IT !!!11!!! LOL' comment/crit once before you learn your lesson' i say to you.) | |
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Dark S3cret Admin
Number of posts : 458 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-17
| Subject: Re: See Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:26 pm | |
| Oh. Should I change that then? | |
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root vegetable
Number of posts : 52 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-26
| Subject: Re: See Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:30 pm | |
| By all means no. I'm feeling sick in general, so that's a me-problem, not a you/the poem-problem | |
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Dark S3cret Admin
Number of posts : 458 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-17
| Subject: Re: See Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:33 pm | |
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MinglerX
Number of posts : 80 Age : 30 Registration date : 2009-02-17
| Subject: Re: See Wed Nov 25, 2009 1:49 pm | |
| I think this is good. The last stanza really tied it up well. "Stretch honey slow and just as sweet Across her face" was a fantastic line. Definitely my favourite one.
Write more poetry. I thoroughly enjoy it. | |
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Dark S3cret Admin
Number of posts : 458 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-17
| Subject: Re: See Wed Nov 25, 2009 6:36 pm | |
| YAY. Will do. No harsh crit? D: | |
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MinglerX
Number of posts : 80 Age : 30 Registration date : 2009-02-17
| Subject: Re: See Wed Nov 25, 2009 7:47 pm | |
| Not really. I adore the style. That line is now my facebook status. | |
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Dark S3cret Admin
Number of posts : 458 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-17
| Subject: Re: See Wed Nov 25, 2009 7:51 pm | |
| Thanks for letting me know. =] Plagiarism makes me angry D:< | |
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MinglerX
Number of posts : 80 Age : 30 Registration date : 2009-02-17
| Subject: Re: See Thu Nov 26, 2009 5:32 pm | |
| LOL XD I love you a lot. | |
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Dark S3cret Admin
Number of posts : 458 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-17
| Subject: Re: See Sat Nov 28, 2009 12:41 pm | |
| I love you too. | |
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