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 Blood

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Dark S3cret
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Dark S3cret


Number of posts : 458
Age : 31
Registration date : 2009-01-17

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PostSubject: Blood   Blood EmptyWed Nov 11, 2009 9:41 pm

Possibly for the Gender Violence collaboration we're doing with Amnesty International. Not sure if it fits into what they want. Might be a little too dark for school.

thoughts anyone?
____

blood runs liquid hot and it drips
its scent permeating the cold air
and the pitter patter sound it makes
when it explodes on the ground, hurts
and she could taste it in her mouth
the metallic tang on her tongue

blood runs liquid hot and it drips
thick, crimson, slides down her throat
and down, down the broken window
across the shattered glass pieces
like the raindrops falling from heaven
only it falls from her lacerated flesh

blood runs liquid hot and it drips
running across the asphalt, mixing
with the sweat, the tears and the pain
she blinks and all she sees is black
she can hear the footsteps, each
vibration sending shivers of agony

blood runs liquid hot and it drips
through her skin, and at least she can
die knowing that any hands that touch
her again will be marked for life
because when blood is spilt it

stains






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MinglerX

MinglerX


Number of posts : 80
Age : 30
Registration date : 2009-02-17

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PostSubject: Re: Blood   Blood EmptySun Nov 15, 2009 2:07 pm

I really liked this. It's dark, but it's really beautiful. "across the shattered glass pieces/like the raindrops falling from heaven" gave me insane ideas, so tyvm. Smile The last stanza was FANTASTICAL, and the separation of "stains" from the rest of it was powerful. The repetition of the first line was really effective.

Good job (as always). Yay for you. Smile
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Dark S3cret
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Dark S3cret


Number of posts : 458
Age : 31
Registration date : 2009-01-17

Blood Empty
PostSubject: Re: Blood   Blood EmptySun Nov 15, 2009 4:26 pm

Very Happy *glomps*

I am glad the punch worked! :]
So, all in all, no issues?
Remember, be a bitch. Razz
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MinglerX

MinglerX


Number of posts : 80
Age : 30
Registration date : 2009-02-17

Blood Empty
PostSubject: Re: Blood   Blood EmptySun Nov 15, 2009 7:57 pm

Yeah, no issues. It might be a little dark for a high school project, but then again, maybe that's what they want. Run it by them definitely, because it should be read by more than just me. Smile
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Dark S3cret
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Dark S3cret


Number of posts : 458
Age : 31
Registration date : 2009-01-17

Blood Empty
PostSubject: Re: Blood   Blood EmptyThu Nov 19, 2009 11:31 pm

They're taking it. Very Happy
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MinglerX

MinglerX


Number of posts : 80
Age : 30
Registration date : 2009-02-17

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PostSubject: Re: Blood   Blood EmptySat Nov 21, 2009 12:39 pm

OH, MY GOSH, ANGELA!!! That's awesome! I'm so proud of you. Congratulations. Smile
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Dark S3cret
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Dark S3cret


Number of posts : 458
Age : 31
Registration date : 2009-01-17

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PostSubject: Re: Blood   Blood EmptySat Nov 21, 2009 5:53 pm

Razz
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root vegetable

root vegetable


Number of posts : 52
Age : 31
Registration date : 2009-01-26

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PostSubject: Re: Blood   Blood EmptyMon Nov 23, 2009 8:10 pm

excuse me, i have to go collect my ass in the middle of next week, this poem kicked it THAT much

i do believe i already told you what i thought of it; it seems almost passive, or reflexive until you mention her imminent death. but i love that you make the girl awesome, what with the death-wish/curse on the male asshole who put her in this situation.

seconding what serena said, the last line is so powerful. its ridiculous. you can litterly feel yourself going "..woah." and i like that; its not doom-and-gloom-emocakes, you drive home this message of "if you do it, youre not going to escape it."

in conclusion:
BRA-FUCKING-VO
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Dark S3cret
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Dark S3cret


Number of posts : 458
Age : 31
Registration date : 2009-01-17

Blood Empty
PostSubject: Re: Blood   Blood EmptyMon Nov 23, 2009 9:51 pm

Ahaha. Lindsay. You're so unique with your expressions, it makes me laugh. =] *hugs*

Yes, yes you did, but I thank you a million times over for a written crit, so I can refer back to it fondly.

LOL doom-and-gloom-emocakes... LOLOLOL.

YAY. THANKS.
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root vegetable

root vegetable


Number of posts : 52
Age : 31
Registration date : 2009-01-26

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PostSubject: Re: Blood   Blood EmptyTue Nov 24, 2009 8:09 pm

*feels loved* yahoo!
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