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Dark S3cret Admin
Number of posts : 458 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-17
| Subject: Blood Wed Nov 11, 2009 9:41 pm | |
| Possibly for the Gender Violence collaboration we're doing with Amnesty International. Not sure if it fits into what they want. Might be a little too dark for school.
thoughts anyone? ____
blood runs liquid hot and it drips its scent permeating the cold air and the pitter patter sound it makes when it explodes on the ground, hurts and she could taste it in her mouth the metallic tang on her tongue
blood runs liquid hot and it drips thick, crimson, slides down her throat and down, down the broken window across the shattered glass pieces like the raindrops falling from heaven only it falls from her lacerated flesh
blood runs liquid hot and it drips running across the asphalt, mixing with the sweat, the tears and the pain she blinks and all she sees is black she can hear the footsteps, each vibration sending shivers of agony
blood runs liquid hot and it drips through her skin, and at least she can die knowing that any hands that touch her again will be marked for life because when blood is spilt it
stains
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MinglerX
Number of posts : 80 Age : 30 Registration date : 2009-02-17
| Subject: Re: Blood Sun Nov 15, 2009 2:07 pm | |
| I really liked this. It's dark, but it's really beautiful. "across the shattered glass pieces/like the raindrops falling from heaven" gave me insane ideas, so tyvm. The last stanza was FANTASTICAL, and the separation of "stains" from the rest of it was powerful. The repetition of the first line was really effective. Good job (as always). Yay for you. | |
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Dark S3cret Admin
Number of posts : 458 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-17
| Subject: Re: Blood Sun Nov 15, 2009 4:26 pm | |
| *glomps* I am glad the punch worked! :] So, all in all, no issues? Remember, be a bitch. | |
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MinglerX
Number of posts : 80 Age : 30 Registration date : 2009-02-17
| Subject: Re: Blood Sun Nov 15, 2009 7:57 pm | |
| Yeah, no issues. It might be a little dark for a high school project, but then again, maybe that's what they want. Run it by them definitely, because it should be read by more than just me. | |
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Dark S3cret Admin
Number of posts : 458 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-17
| Subject: Re: Blood Thu Nov 19, 2009 11:31 pm | |
| They're taking it. | |
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MinglerX
Number of posts : 80 Age : 30 Registration date : 2009-02-17
| Subject: Re: Blood Sat Nov 21, 2009 12:39 pm | |
| OH, MY GOSH, ANGELA!!! That's awesome! I'm so proud of you. Congratulations. | |
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Dark S3cret Admin
Number of posts : 458 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-17
| Subject: Re: Blood Sat Nov 21, 2009 5:53 pm | |
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root vegetable
Number of posts : 52 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-26
| Subject: Re: Blood Mon Nov 23, 2009 8:10 pm | |
| excuse me, i have to go collect my ass in the middle of next week, this poem kicked it THAT much
i do believe i already told you what i thought of it; it seems almost passive, or reflexive until you mention her imminent death. but i love that you make the girl awesome, what with the death-wish/curse on the male asshole who put her in this situation.
seconding what serena said, the last line is so powerful. its ridiculous. you can litterly feel yourself going "..woah." and i like that; its not doom-and-gloom-emocakes, you drive home this message of "if you do it, youre not going to escape it."
in conclusion: BRA-FUCKING-VO | |
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Dark S3cret Admin
Number of posts : 458 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-17
| Subject: Re: Blood Mon Nov 23, 2009 9:51 pm | |
| Ahaha. Lindsay. You're so unique with your expressions, it makes me laugh. =] *hugs*
Yes, yes you did, but I thank you a million times over for a written crit, so I can refer back to it fondly.
LOL doom-and-gloom-emocakes... LOLOLOL.
YAY. THANKS. | |
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root vegetable
Number of posts : 52 Age : 31 Registration date : 2009-01-26
| Subject: Re: Blood Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:09 pm | |
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| Blood | |
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