HomeCalendarFAQSearchMemberlistRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 Blood

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Dark S3cret
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 458
Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-17

PostSubject: Blood   Wed Nov 11, 2009 9:41 pm

Possibly for the Gender Violence collaboration we're doing with Amnesty International. Not sure if it fits into what they want. Might be a little too dark for school.

thoughts anyone?
____

blood runs liquid hot and it drips
its scent permeating the cold air
and the pitter patter sound it makes
when it explodes on the ground, hurts
and she could taste it in her mouth
the metallic tang on her tongue

blood runs liquid hot and it drips
thick, crimson, slides down her throat
and down, down the broken window
across the shattered glass pieces
like the raindrops falling from heaven
only it falls from her lacerated flesh

blood runs liquid hot and it drips
running across the asphalt, mixing
with the sweat, the tears and the pain
she blinks and all she sees is black
she can hear the footsteps, each
vibration sending shivers of agony

blood runs liquid hot and it drips
through her skin, and at least she can
die knowing that any hands that touch
her again will be marked for life
because when blood is spilt it

stains






Back to top Go down
View user profile
MinglerX

avatar

Number of posts : 80
Age : 24
Registration date : 2009-02-17

PostSubject: Re: Blood   Sun Nov 15, 2009 2:07 pm

I really liked this. It's dark, but it's really beautiful. "across the shattered glass pieces/like the raindrops falling from heaven" gave me insane ideas, so tyvm. Smile The last stanza was FANTASTICAL, and the separation of "stains" from the rest of it was powerful. The repetition of the first line was really effective.

Good job (as always). Yay for you. Smile
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Dark S3cret
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 458
Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-17

PostSubject: Re: Blood   Sun Nov 15, 2009 4:26 pm

Very Happy *glomps*

I am glad the punch worked! :]
So, all in all, no issues?
Remember, be a bitch. Razz
Back to top Go down
View user profile
MinglerX

avatar

Number of posts : 80
Age : 24
Registration date : 2009-02-17

PostSubject: Re: Blood   Sun Nov 15, 2009 7:57 pm

Yeah, no issues. It might be a little dark for a high school project, but then again, maybe that's what they want. Run it by them definitely, because it should be read by more than just me. Smile
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Dark S3cret
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 458
Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-17

PostSubject: Re: Blood   Thu Nov 19, 2009 11:31 pm

They're taking it. Very Happy
Back to top Go down
View user profile
MinglerX

avatar

Number of posts : 80
Age : 24
Registration date : 2009-02-17

PostSubject: Re: Blood   Sat Nov 21, 2009 12:39 pm

OH, MY GOSH, ANGELA!!! That's awesome! I'm so proud of you. Congratulations. Smile
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Dark S3cret
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 458
Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-17

PostSubject: Re: Blood   Sat Nov 21, 2009 5:53 pm

Razz
Back to top Go down
View user profile
root vegetable

avatar

Number of posts : 52
Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-26

PostSubject: Re: Blood   Mon Nov 23, 2009 8:10 pm

excuse me, i have to go collect my ass in the middle of next week, this poem kicked it THAT much

i do believe i already told you what i thought of it; it seems almost passive, or reflexive until you mention her imminent death. but i love that you make the girl awesome, what with the death-wish/curse on the male asshole who put her in this situation.

seconding what serena said, the last line is so powerful. its ridiculous. you can litterly feel yourself going "..woah." and i like that; its not doom-and-gloom-emocakes, you drive home this message of "if you do it, youre not going to escape it."

in conclusion:
BRA-FUCKING-VO
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Dark S3cret
Admin
avatar

Number of posts : 458
Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-17

PostSubject: Re: Blood   Mon Nov 23, 2009 9:51 pm

Ahaha. Lindsay. You're so unique with your expressions, it makes me laugh. =] *hugs*

Yes, yes you did, but I thank you a million times over for a written crit, so I can refer back to it fondly.

LOL doom-and-gloom-emocakes... LOLOLOL.

YAY. THANKS.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
root vegetable

avatar

Number of posts : 52
Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-26

PostSubject: Re: Blood   Tue Nov 24, 2009 8:09 pm

*feels loved* yahoo!
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Blood   

Back to top Go down
 
Blood
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» A Blood Bowl league begins
» XAS - Blood Effects
» Battlestar Galactica: Blood and Chrome
» The Blood Pact(very pic heavy!)
» Blood Stalkers

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
P.W.N. People Writing Nonsense! :: Discussions :: Gender Violence-
Jump to: