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 Aria of the Heart

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Traverse Writer

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Number of posts : 114
Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-22

PostSubject: Aria of the Heart   Mon Nov 02, 2009 6:28 pm

Aria of the Heart



Originally, I didn’t know how to express these words of mine
nor did I know how to address the ones who were left behind.
Faith is needed to allow dreams
to flourish and meet their means.

If we dream and hold on tight, I know they’ll never die,
so if we’ll keep them safe in our hearts and they’ll stay.

Listen to the aria of the heart,
with each chord strummed again.
Don’t be afraid, this is my art,
an eternal masterpiece to remain.

Yesterday, the path spilt into two,
and I’m left at crossroads’ end.
Someday, the dream will come true,
so keep on wishing strongly til then.

Within hidden miracles, there’s an endless waltz
and a peaceful dream, afraid of waking.
Across the night landscape, I do not see false
nor do I see a dark impasse in the making.

If we dream and hold on tight, I know they’ll never die,
so if we’ll keep them safe in our hearts and they’ll stay.

Listen to the aria of the heart,
with each chord strummed again.
Don’t be afraid, this is my art,
an eternal masterpiece to remain.

Harmony resonates beneath the midnight sky,
time is fleeting and slow but it passes us by.
While hope unwinds and unfolds all that is wrong,
and I'll cry the heart’s own tears that come along…
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Dark S3cret
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Number of posts : 458
Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-17

PostSubject: Re: Aria of the Heart   Tue Dec 29, 2009 5:02 pm

It's probably just me, but the different lengths of each verse kind of bothers me. It throws off the flow...

Your rhymes are nice. I really like parts of some lines.

I've noticed that you often invoke these really fantasy-like images and feel to your poems. Perhaps it's because that's your genre?
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PostSubject: Re: Aria of the Heart   Wed Dec 30, 2009 12:09 pm

Yeah, I did a better version so when I get the chance I'll put it up, hopefully it balances it out. But I shall get to that within the day or so. Hmm...it looked waaaay better when it was on my blackberry, then again smaller screen. 8D Although it could be that I didn't use any contrations because I was trying to see how it was in Latin (I think it needs to be in Latin for my book, with the translation of course! Very Happy) It could also be that I couldn't find the right length word or such. However when I sing (to myself) certain parts they go alright, but I'll check into it. Some parts are a little bit, y'know... Rolling Eyes

Yeah, I like the fantasy-like images because it kind of requires you to think about it. And maybe, I do it without really thinking as well. I honestly don't know sometimes.
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PostSubject: Re: Aria of the Heart   Fri Jan 08, 2010 8:17 pm

UPDATE: This is the newer and (hopefully) better version.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Aria of the Heart



Originally, I did not know how to express these words of mine
nor did I know how to address the ones who were left behind.
Faith is needed to allow dreams
to flourish and meet their means.

Yesterday, the path split into two,
and I am left at crossroads' end.
Someday the dream will come true,
till then, I'll keep wishing strongly.

If we dream and hold on tightly, I know they'll never die,
and if we keep them safe in our hearts, there they'll stay.

Listen to the aria of the heart,
with each chord strummed again.
Don't be afraid, this is my art,
an eternal masterpiece to remain.

Within hidden miracles, there's an endless waltz
and a peaceful dream, afraid of wakening.
Across the midnight landscape, I don't see false
nor do I see a dark impasse in the making.
I know the heart will never be bare, always with a pulse,
until the last breath of night settles when daybreak calls.

If we dream and hold on tightly, I know they'll never die,
and if we keep them safe in our hearts, there they'll stay.

Listen to the aria of the heart,
with each chord strummed again.
Don't be afraid, this is my art,
an eternal masterpiece to remain.

Inside a labyrinth, a gentle child cries within,
forever wandering in and out, both far and near.
The dearly loved ones never forget wherein
lies a gentle heart crying reflected in the mirror.

This tame melody under the midnight sky,
as hope unwinds, and unfolds all of our errs.
Time is always fleeting and passes us by,
I sing this aria, crying the heart's own tears.

If we dream and hold on tightly, I know they'll never die,
and if we keep them safe in our hearts, there they'll stay.

Listen to the aria of the heart,
with each chord strummed again.
Don't be afraid, this is my art,
an eternal masterpiece to remain.

In waves, the smiles overflow the gentle and unwavering heart,
keep your heart stong my gentle child and never cry or falter.
You're always on my mind everywhere I go, we're never apart.
The resounding aria of the heart means we're always together.

Down this worn-out path lies a long journey, but it's never lonely,
our fervent memories serve as keepsakes of those days.
The heart will never be forsaken, it was foretold by this melody,
as I hold them in my hands, the memories never strays...


_____________________________________________________________

I sung it, and it was pretty long... silent (about 7ish minutes, I was rushing through it...)
But then again, its sung during a play in my novel, so wouldn't it work out alright?

If there's anything I could change and whatnot, please let me know.
For the different length issues should be resolved by now, but I'm not sure. I tried to do it with each couplet or every second line. I'm not sure if it needs to be in Latin for my book. I could translate it and post the translation and people could comment which version is better?

What do you think?

UPDATE on Translation:
I was going through it and WOW! It's even longer in that language!
So maybe only parts of it in Latin? (because some parts sound nice in it, meaning the corus) Or maybe just in plain old English?
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