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 The Old Oak

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Alaska



Number of posts : 17
Age : 26
Registration date : 2009-10-28

PostSubject: The Old Oak   Wed Oct 28, 2009 8:35 pm

The Old Oak

I sat beneath the old oak
Through the year without moving
I had nothing to help me enjoy the peaceful days of summer
In the fall I continued to sit motionless
For I had nothing to do
Then the cold winds came from the north
Issuing in the snows of winter
I had nothing with me to keep myself warm
So there I sat chilled to the bone
The snows slowly melted away into spring
I had nothing to protect myself from the rain
So I sat beneath the old oak preparing for the next year
Then you came
You were there to enjoy the summer with me
I now had a reason to move during the fall
When winter came along
You kept me warm even when the snow was all around me
When the winds and rain of spring came, you were my shelter
I sat beneath the old oak knowing I would enjoy the year to come

(My boyfriend wrote this and wanted to know what you guys thought about it)
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Dark S3cret
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Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-17

PostSubject: Re: The Old Oak   Wed Nov 11, 2009 6:21 pm

Hi. Who are you?
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Alaska



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Age : 26
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PostSubject: Re: The Old Oak   Wed Nov 11, 2009 10:24 pm

Im Jamie from writting club...
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PostSubject: Re: The Old Oak   Wed Nov 11, 2009 10:30 pm

Okay. Very Happy

Sorry for asking. It's hard to guess who's who on the internet.
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PostSubject: Re: The Old Oak   Wed Nov 11, 2009 10:32 pm

it's ok =]
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PostSubject: Re: The Old Oak   Wed Nov 11, 2009 10:51 pm

Although it doesn't rhyme, the progression of the seasons strikes me as particularly eloquent -- partially because I love the concept of time, but also because there's this feeling of waiting for something to come that's conveyed nicely.

I had nothing to protect myself from the rain
So I sat beneath the old oak preparing for the next year
Then you came


Really loved this line. Rain and Came rhyme nicely together, not sure if it was intentional, but it definitely boosted the aesthetic appeal of that sentence incredibly.

The greatly varying lengths of the sentences throws me off a little, but all in all, it's quite nice.
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