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Dark S3cret
Dark S3cret

Number of posts : 458
Age : 26
Registration date : 2009-01-17

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PostSubject: The Puppetmaster   The Puppetmaster EmptyWed Oct 07, 2009 6:17 pm

With the blink of an eye and a twitch of her finger
She can bring you to your knees and make the pain linger
Another glance, sardonic smile and mischievous wave
Tugs you closer and completely controls the way you behave
You’re at her mercy, your fate in her dancing hand
You might fly, soar high, but it hurts when you land

And when she’s finished, she puts you away
It’s in the shadows where you’re there to stay
Watching silently as she takes the others to play
Wishfully thinking that it had been your turn today
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root vegetable

root vegetable

Number of posts : 52
Age : 26
Registration date : 2009-01-26

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PostSubject: Re: The Puppetmaster   The Puppetmaster EmptyWed Oct 07, 2009 7:20 pm


I know I juuuust said this about the rain one, but I REALLY like this one Very Happy

You get a sense of self-destruction, or addiction with this. Someone else is in control, and even though some part of you knows its wrong, you're completely ignorant of it. And even though you know that in the end, it sucks, you still want it. Especially when you don't have it, but someone else does.

The rhyming scheme is simple again, which apparently I like Razz AABBCC DDEE.

I like how with almost each line, you get a certain action or ... demeanor? across. With the first one, its flighty and fast; 'blink' and 'twitch'. The second (personally) makes me feel like I just got knocked down, and in the process did something particularly painful to my kneecaps :S The third brings to mind smiling; but more grinning, and not in a kind way either. The fourth is one of binding; like you're being slowly suffocated by this thing that's all over you, leaving you no room to move, squeezing you and bringing you closer to it: "Tugs you closer and completely controls the way you behave" The fifth is undoubtedly helplessness, and the sixth gives the feeling of flying, and then eating pavement when your face becomes intimately acquainted with the ground :/

I also like how you make every 2nd line ... depressing? melancholic? It's not happy, whatever it is. Its like the theme itself; while your engaged in it, it's this euphoric feeling (maybe not so much 'euphoric' when you're reading it, but you do get caught up in the poem when you're reading it), and then suddenly your brought back down. Then you're back up, and again you get slammed down. Over and over and over.

The end is without a doubt my favourite part, how there's this almost tangible feeling of want, and yearning and not getting. The fact that you don't punctuate it sort of puts you in the the first person; you're left waiting for more, but you don't know when or if you'll get it.

Last edited by root vegetable on Wed Oct 07, 2009 7:25 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : awkardness in the second paragraph :/)
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