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 "Untrustworthy." Very very mini!

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MinglerX

MinglerX

Number of posts : 80
Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-02-17

PostSubject: "Untrustworthy." Very very mini!   Mon Sep 21, 2009 4:51 pm

I'm afraid that your trust
Is very misplaced.
My heart is a skeptic, eclectic,
Betraying your faith.
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Dark S3cret
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Dark S3cret

Number of posts : 458
Age : 26
Registration date : 2009-01-17

PostSubject: Re: "Untrustworthy." Very very mini!   Wed Oct 07, 2009 5:59 pm

I kind of love this.
It is short and abrupt, but I think it works well with the message of the poem. The last two lines were golden, especially the words "skeptic" and "eclectic", beautiful diction. And speaking of diction, "betray" and "faith" -- awesome antitheses?/foils -- so great, powerful conclusion.
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MinglerX

MinglerX

Number of posts : 80
Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-02-17

PostSubject: Re: "Untrustworthy." Very very mini!   Thu Oct 08, 2009 5:43 pm

Thanks! Yeah, I like it, too... But I could never figure out why. Thanks for being such an awesome critiquer to help me figure it out! <3
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