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 Gabby's story part 1

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cheesemonster

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PostSubject: Gabby's story part 1   Sun Jan 25, 2009 9:12 pm

“What would you do if I told you there would be an apocalypse in three days?” The reporter’s microphone was waiting for my answer. I was speechless. What would I do? “I –I” I stammered. You’re taking this too seriously I thought it’s just a question. Funny how a single question could change your life. I had always been a serious person. Something kids my age could not relate to. As I grew older I became ridiculously shy. I had no friends. I went home that night with one thing on my mind “What would you do if I told you there would be an apocalypse in three days?” I didn’t know. Who would I spend my precious moments with, my parents? No way. What would I do? Read the whole time? These things depressed me. I needed to make a friend. I needed someone to spend my precious last three days with.

The next day in class I was on high alert for my new friend. No one in my first period math class was exciting they all just blended together. I stared at the door waiting for someone worthy of my three days. Basically everyone had arrived, I was loosing hope. The bell went and someone stepped into the classroom right on queue. There, I thought is my new friend. “Phew” he said “Right on time.” He was tall; of course he had to be tall. He couldn’t be short and be my friend I was nearly 6 feet. He had long brown hair that fell into his eyes and wore messy clothing. He sat down in his seat right next to me and took out his binder. “Shoot” he said. “Can I borrow a pencil, I forgot mine” he asked me. “Sure” I said and passed him a pencil. He smiled “Thanks.” How had I not noticed him before? I thought he sat right next to me and I had ignored him for three months. “I’m so stupid” I muttered. “What?” he said. Oops he heard that. “Oh, um nothing. Just talking to myself heh heh.” I said. Oh good job Julie, nice answer. Now he probably thinks I’m a complete wacko. “I see” he said and chuckled. “I do that often. People around me probably think I’m crazy.” He smiled at me. I smiled back, alright so he doesn’t think I’m a wacko score! Oh my, I just said score. I am so weird.

“Aaalrighty class, let’s get to work” blah blah. So math class started. Math class always made the clock go at a sluggish pace. My teacher never helps, with his monotone voice and utterly brain meltingly boring lectures. There’s a kid in the back who falls asleep about every day. Finally the bell rang and class was over. He handed me back my pencil “Thanks for the pencil…” he trailed off. “Julie” I told him. “Right, Julie! Thanks, my names Ben” he said. “Well, your welcome Ben, what do you have next?” He flipped through his agenda and pulled out his timetable, “French” he said. I smiled “Still carrying that around?” I said pointing to his timetable. “Yeah, I’ve got a terrible memory.” I have French next to! I thought. Awright! Whoa honestly what is going on with me? I used to be so normal. “Well I have French next so let’s go cuz Mme. Jardin is crazy about being on time.” She really is. I was late by exactly a minute and she gave me detention. “Ya, let’s roll” I braced myself for the crowded halls of Gull Junction Secondary School. It took you about half an hour to walk from one end of the school to the other in this school. We had an intensely large student population and some really annoying teachers liked to navigate the halls with large carts full of nonsense that they needed for their classes. It was particularly horrible this morning. “Oh my lord” Ben said. “It’s a zoo.” It really was. People were pushing and shouting in their struggle to get to their next class. This one girl body checked me to the floor. “Hey! Watch where you’re going!” Ben yelled after her. “Need a hand?” He said smiling down at me. How embarrassing! He thought it was funny that I fell. “No thanks” I said and got up. Alright I thought, no more miss’s nice lady and I charged through the crowd pulling a surprised Ben by the arm.

We stepped into the class just as the bell went. “I have a habit of doing that” he commented. That he did I thought. He took his seat in the opposite end of the class from where I sat. “Darn” I said, “I sit way over there” I pointed to the isolated desk in far end of the class. “Bummer” he said smiling. I grimaced he was laughing at my pain again. I ambled off to my loner seat and sat down. Mme. Jardin clapped her hands “Alright class, On change des places aujourd’hui.” Oh glorious we were changing spots today. I couldn’t help it a huge smile spread across my face I looked over at Ben. He looked at me and gave me the thumbs up. It seemed like we were already friends I thought. Wow that wasn’t too hard. I was assigned a seat behind Ben but sadly it was right next to Melanie. She was the most talkative girl in the whole entire world. She would talk all class long but for some reason the teachers never told her to shut up. Life was unfair. “Julie! Hey!” Melanie slapped my shoulder with a huge smile on her face. “How’s’ it goin girl?” she wanted to know. How was it going…hmm well it was going pretty good considering I had made a friend, I don’t know if he’s 3 days worthy yet but whatever it’s a start. Although right now it was looking pretty bad because I’m talking to you. Maybe if I show interest she’ll get weirded out and stop talking to me. “I’m fine, how are you?” I said. “Horrible! Travis dumped me last night because I wouldn’t give him my flower at Darlene’s party Saturday! I mean I wasn’t ready! He was all c’mon Mel we’ve been dating for 3 years I think were ready and I’m all no! Why can’t we just kiss Travis why do you always start pulling off your pants?” She fumed. Oh my god, she just called having sex giving Travis her flower. I was wrong it didn’t make a difference she just rambles on about stuff that I really don’t want to know about. I kind of feel bad for her though, Mel and Travis had been dating since grade 8 and he dumped her because she wouldn’t “give him her flower”. Travis Bartlet was an asshole anyway. In grade 9 I had a crush on him for about a week. He seemed really nice and he was pretty much the hottest guy in our grade. We were partners for a science project. He was the kind of person who looked you right in the eye when you spoke and he smiled often. He was kind of my only friend except he didn’t really see me that way. I knew he was dating Mel but I couldn’t help but fall for his charming ways.

One day I was getting my book from my locker during French class when I heard a few giggles from around the corner. Since I was curious I peeked around the corner. Travis and Fiona Ditonkle were making out against the science hall mural. My mouth dropped open. I could handle him dating someone but he was CHEATING on her? I was pissed I had barely talked to Mel and I have to admit she was a pretty nice person. “What are you doing Travis?!” I yelled at him. They looked up. “What does it look like to you?” he said to me while giving me a disdainful look. “You’re dating Melanie!” I said. What the hell I thought, he didn’t even look guilty. “What’s it to you” he said laughing. He pulled Fiona closer “I do what I want, now run along surf board” My eyes bulged. “I am not a surf board you ass!” I yelled I stormed over to him and grabbed him by the collar. “I thought you were a nice person” I said. He looked scared I relished that. “I thought you were respectful, how could you do this to Mel? She’s never even thought about being with anyone but you! What kind of person would cheat on her with Fiona Ditonkle? She’s an idiotic bitch and a butherface!” I yelled. I threw him to the ground and stormed off.

Our project was finished and we had no reason to speak to each other. I never caught him making out with Fiona again and I think my little speech got through to him.

One day during lunch I saw Fiona wave to him from across the Atrium but he just ignored her and focused on Mel. Obviously my crush was gone. He teased me for a while, I sit in front of him in geo and he likes to poke me in the back with his pencil. He doesn’t say anything just pokes me to piss me off. It works. I try to pretend I don’t notice. The last thing he said to me was. “I thought you were cool Julie, I was wrong though, you act like my mom.” That sliced me. I didn’t act like I was his mom I just told him that cheating on Mel was wrong, Especially with Fiona. Fiona hates me to. She does the usual bullying shit like dropping my books in the hall with the usual line “Oops” she says in mock guilt a cruel smile on her face. I don’t see those two often so I don’t really have to worry about them. I was feeling really sorry for Mel now, she never knew about Travis and Fiona. “That sucks Mel” I said. “I know” she answered.

She didn’t’ say anything else the rest of the class. I don’t know if it was the topic or if my theory really worked but I didn’t have to put up with her constant jabbering which was great. “Hey Julie, who do you sit with during lunch” Ben said. We were supposed to be doing our work but we were talking instead. “No one, you’re pretty much my only friend” I said. He laughed. “Well I have some people you need to meet” he said with a smile. “Especially my best friend Avery.” Avery, I knew him. He was the only person I had considered for my 3 days. If I hadn’t found anyone else I was going to just go with him for my new friend. This way I would get my new friend and a chance to talk to him. Avery was pretty much like Ben except he had shaggy blonde hair and always plain colored t-shirts a different color for each day. He sat across the class from me in Chem; he sat right under the clock so whenever I look over I see him. He was fun to look at. He always sat slumped in his chair and looked uninterested but whenever the teacher asked him a question he always knew the answer. Travis tried to piss him off once. He just looked at him with a weary look and said “Don’t you have something more entertaining to do then trying to insult a concrete wall?” I laughed. He said it so honestly. Insulting him would be like insulting cement you would get the same reaction.


Last edited by cheesemonster on Sat Mar 07, 2009 11:15 am; edited 1 time in total
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Dark S3cret
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PostSubject: Re: Gabby's story part 1   Mon Jan 26, 2009 8:02 pm

Hey Gabby -- there's only one thing I can say at the moment... and that's, "WHERE ARE YOUR PARAGRAPHS?"

... you do know how to use them, right? 0.0
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Delrez

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PostSubject: Re: Gabby's story part 1   Tue Feb 03, 2009 9:01 pm

Yeah, the solid wall of text is marauding my eyes.
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cheesemonster

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PostSubject: Re: Gabby's story part 1   Wed Feb 04, 2009 11:35 am

hehe I know but it wouldn't fit so I cut it but you see it still didn't fit...in other ones I think I have text 8]
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PostSubject: Re: Gabby's story part 1   Wed Feb 04, 2009 11:58 am

geez dont' you have any other feedback XD
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PostSubject: Re: Gabby's story part 1   Wed Feb 04, 2009 12:00 pm

oh my I meant to write paragraphs in my first post instead of text >.>
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PostSubject: Re: Gabby's story part 1   Tue Feb 10, 2009 1:23 pm

Ha! Wow that's so imposible to read, it took me 20 minutes cause I don't have my glasses!
Other than the pharagraph issue I think it's pretty well done. I just suggest that you re-read what you write a little more often as there tends to be a lot of repitition.
=F
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PostSubject: Re: Gabby's story part 1   Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:04 pm

What do you mean it wouldn't fit? :O

And yeah, that's pretty much all I have to say at the moment, because I find it really difficult to read.

If indeed there is a word limit per post, I suggest you split the chapter's into parts too. That would be the only way to do it.
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PostSubject: Re: Gabby's story part 1   Wed Feb 11, 2009 6:30 pm

Actually, You can have the whole chapter part in one segement. Just break into two or three replies. It works. I have to do that for my story. And I think everyone is having trouble reading it, yet alone give feedback.

Sorry, but I really think you should try breaking it up into several replies.
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PostSubject: Re: Gabby's story part 1   Thu Feb 12, 2009 10:19 am

kay fine. GEEZ XD. I'll repost it later...cuz right now I'm at school yaaaaaay
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PostSubject: Re: Gabby's story part 1   Sat Mar 14, 2009 11:26 pm

Okay. I know it's going to seem like I'm a critical bitch (not saying I'm not, because I can be)-- but... punctuation?

And you know that everytime someone talks or says something, you have to start a new paragraph, right?
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PostSubject: Re: Gabby's story part 1   Fri Mar 20, 2009 1:29 am

Lmao angela.
Gabby - you could add punctuation, but I kind of like it this way. it goes well with the story, and it makes it more flowing and relaxing to read..
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PostSubject: Re: Gabby's story part 1   Fri Mar 20, 2009 7:06 pm

No seriously.

I mean, in some cases punctuation is an aesthetic thing, where you add it in to give it certain emphasis on how it's supposed to be read. But other than that -- you should have punctuation, it's a part of literature.

It can be argued otherwise if you were writing a free-verse poem or something, but if this is a normal narrative, you should have commas or periods in the quotations as people speak and etc...
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PostSubject: Re: Gabby's story part 1   Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:41 am

well my middle school was a bitch of a ghetto ass school so they never PROPERLY taught us how to use punctuation and how to properly write a story and shit.

so tell me again HOW IS IT PROPERLY USED?
D=
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PostSubject: Re: Gabby's story part 1   Wed Oct 28, 2009 7:21 pm

Alright, having honestly read this, I can now say that there are some parts which simply don't make any sense. For example;
Who is the reporter, and why is he asking her the question? What's the context?
Also, you call Travis an asshole, then you say she has a crush on him, then she sees him being an asshole.
Apart from that though, this is pretty good Very Happy
Made me laugh in places.
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PostSubject: Re: Gabby's story part 1   Sat Oct 31, 2009 11:35 am

Well Alex this is bad (I think so) and I never really tried to explain the reporter.
I think I was going to tie it up at the end of the story to tell you what was happeneing.
asdjfajs;jdf but I was dumb and didn't plan anything out at the time just wrote.
alssoooo Travis is an asshole and she USED to have a crush on him. :]
yay making people laugh is fun.
NOW COMMENT ON MY PLOT
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