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Dark S3cret
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Number of posts : 458
Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-17

PostSubject: Butterfly   Wed Feb 25, 2009 12:09 am

Catch me like a butterfly and
Hold me tightly until my wings
Disintegrate between your fingers like
The memories of your tainted lips

Feel my battered body refuse
To die and shatter and fall
Subservient to your cold crushing
Hands forcing sanity into the
Vast collection of broken dreams

Feel my heart continue to beat
Vainly on your palms and my
Will seep through your veins
Until nothing is left but

Freedom

[feedback?]
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MinglerX

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PostSubject: Re: Butterfly   Tue Mar 10, 2009 7:49 pm

I really enjoyed this. I liked the imagery, and the ending was also really good.
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root vegetable

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PostSubject: Re: Butterfly   Tue Mar 10, 2009 10:27 pm

v. nice as always, bossbabe
ending was unexpected, but yeah, tis good
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Dark S3cret
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PostSubject: Re: Butterfly   Tue Mar 10, 2009 10:36 pm

Thanks Serena!

I like vivid imagery, and thus, tend to attempt at employing it. =]
I was told last year I needed to work on stronger endings, so I've focused on that alot.

Thanks GORGEOUS. =]
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addie.e.e

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PostSubject: Re: Butterfly   Tue Mar 24, 2009 9:38 pm

Really flowing.. one of my favourites:)
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Dark S3cret
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PostSubject: Re: Butterfly   Wed Mar 25, 2009 6:22 pm

Aww, thanks Addie. Very Happy I'm flattered. =]
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mackie

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PostSubject: Re: Butterfly   Thu Mar 26, 2009 7:07 pm

You should get the art kids to draw interpretations of some of the poems we make; especially this one...i wonder....
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Dark S3cret
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PostSubject: Re: Butterfly   Thu Mar 26, 2009 7:44 pm

HEY lol. I am an art kid. Razz
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