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 ELECTUS (Chosen) - Chapter 1 (Part 1 & 2)

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Traverse Writer

Traverse Writer

Number of posts : 114
Age : 27
Registration date : 2009-01-22

ELECTUS (Chosen) - Chapter 1   (Part 1 & 2) Empty
PostSubject: ELECTUS (Chosen) - Chapter 1 (Part 1 & 2)   ELECTUS (Chosen) - Chapter 1   (Part 1 & 2) EmptySat Feb 07, 2009 2:38 pm

Still the most bizarre beginnings can be quite promising.

A Promising Outset


She had dreaded this moment.

Not just any school. High school. No, that wasn’t it either. Maybe it was the fact that it was a boarding school, a co-ed boarding school. She sighed.

Jaden wished she would stop making such rash wishes. It wasn’t that she was selfish or anything. She was not selfish to any extent. But her imagination tended to run wild every once in a while. Jaden guessed that she owed that to her mother.

Another sigh.

Every heard the saying, “Be careful what you wish for, ‘cause, you might just get it”? Never underestimate it. Never. Don’t dare to dismiss its dark meaning in its words. It’s a curse. One curse you can never escape from. Desire leads to trouble; it always does and still does to this day.

It’s a double-edged sword.

The desire to protect your family and friends, in the end, there’s always a price to pay. Whether it is with your life or something else dear to you, the result is always the same. Pain and suffering will follow, and then more suffering and pain will follow that. A never ending cycle of life in your hands. Unless…you do something with your curse and turn it into a blessing in disguise, then one can hope.

One can only hope.

Going to a boarding school was one of her grandmother’s greatest wishes, yet she never had the chance to do so. Jaden would though, and that made her feel even guiltier than before. She would get to do something that her grandmother couldn’t get to do and until now do it in her place. That made Jaden both content and honoured at the same time. It was enough to make her smile contently at the thought.

Matt was driving her.

Not that she didn’t know how to drive, she was just uncomfortable behind the wheel. In fact, she was completely terrified at the thought of it. She was only fiftteen after all. The laws for driving were different nowadays. It’s amazing what technology could do at the moment. You could purchase hover cars or cars that exist solely by commanding it with your minds.

But, you had to be at least, thirteen or older.

Plus, Matt had university waiting for him there, and he didn’t want mom worrying about her being alone there. They were going to be roommates. To their surprise, the school chairman, allowed it. Especially since he was a big fan of their mom’s famed stories. Having an author for a mom was certainly fun.

Hearing all of those countless stories of vampires, pirates, werewolves, princes and princesses, heroes and heroines of all genres, hearing all those stories first gave them a sense of honour. The very stories weaved from her mind and told to them as her two children drank it all up and listened carefully. Stories of mystery, fantasy, sci-fi, romance, comedy, horror and other were greeted cheerfully and enthusiasm by her brother and her.

The whole house was practically one huge library. Their home became a place where readers were highly welcomed. Full of many fictional works and beautiful movies that her mom had gathered on her travels across the world. She had an adventurous side to her. A side that was probably rubbed off and passed onto Jaden and Matt, if they were lucky.

Oh, how Jaden wished she was there now. To bury herself amongst the rows and towers of books, and forget everything that troubled her restless mind. To listen to her grandmother’s stories as well as her mother’s voice calling her away from all her worries. To smile amongst the people she loved the most in the whole world. All the most precious things she held dear to her heart. It was all that Jaden wanted at that fleeting moment, which she would never get.

The fresh clean snow fell from the greying sky. Whiteness all around them, covering everything it could touch. So beautiful to see and watch. Jaden spent most of the trip watching the snow drift by them as they drove on. There was something peaceful about watching the gentle snow fall to the ground. Pure and innocent, clean as the newly fresh snow; it was purity at its fineness.

December was almost gone. In a few days it would be January. A new year was about to begin for the world. Uncertainty awaited them.

THE CAR TURNED INTO A parking lot of the school. The school remained out of view, hidden by the towering walls and trees that hid itself from them. The school was located somewhere in New York City. After parking and hauling their belongings to the side of the huge walls, they saw the school itself.

It was magnificent to look upon. There were at least seven buildings that made up the whole school. And all of them were huge. Jaden wondered which building were the dorms, perhaps two buildings were dormitories: one for girls and the other for guys.

It made perfect sense.

They entered the first building, which seemed to the main building, despite it being smaller than the other six. Yet, the building itself proved quite big on the in-side. ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover’. She guessed, the same saying applies for buildings too. Coming up to the reception counter, a huge round desk with a middle-aged woman with golden tanned skin and brown hair, nearly jumped out of her seat when she saw them. It seemed she didn’t even notice their presence. It appeared that she was heavily engrossed in a book, a novel by the look of it. One of their Mother’s books too.

“Oh, hello.” she greeted them as Matt and Jaden placed a few of their belongings on the marble flooring. “How may I help you two?”

Matt grinned his sly smile, but the woman seemed to have taken no notice of that fact. Showed how much she didn’t know about him. Ignorant of people like her brother, you were bound to get messed around with, not that Matt took pleasure in doing that sort of thing. The thing about Matt was, he did it far sneakier and way better than anyone could or would try.

Gifted in that ability so well, he could do it and you wouldn’t even knew he did it to you until it was too late. Usually, he just played safe and only did it if people were ignorant (he hated that about people) or if they thought he was stupid (he really hated that) and if people came off too high-and-mighty, let’s just say, he likes to ‘even’ the playing field. Matt could be really nasty at times, but if you played your cards right, he’ll take some consideration.

Jaden was always watching out for him, more than he did for her, so he wouldn’t get carried away. He usually did whenever he used his strange power. If you have guessed by now, that’s his Psyche Area: Manipulation. Or rather his true power laid in his power of Persuasion.

At least, it was in that type of area of Psyche Abilities. Jaden wasn’t completely sure and it wasn’t like he’ll ever tell me. Matt was overprotective of her and treated her like baby, so anything involving him explaining himself, forget it. He wouldn’t even give you a time of day if asked. Always a no-no for him, that’s how he makes the whole deal about. Questions’ relating to this matter and things like this, Jaden was constantly on her own for the answers. Made her cautious and anxious about what was in store for her afterwards.

So many Psyches out there and she didn’t have one. She was considered special like some sort of trophy. Funny, she never really felt like one. Jaden had always suspected that the dream thing was something like a Psyche, but it proved not to be one.

It ran in the family.

Her mother had it, so did her grandmother and her great-grandmother, Matt had it too, but Jaden was told it’s a different type. Desisted and forbidden to ask ques-tions about the dream thing, she always wondered about its details. Such wonder, risen from the curious mind of hers. Overflowing with questions about the world and everything in it, naïve as she was, she never considered why Mom or Matt or even Grandma or anyone would refuse to tell her why. Perchance, it would be something Jaden would never know, until she was much older.

Much, much older.

“Hello Miss.” Matt said, causally and calmly, while looking the woman in the eye. She flushed a light pink. “Is this Sanctuary High?” Matt was handsome to some extent, Jaden guessed. And if he worked it, which he did at one time, he’ll have the ladies falling for him left and right.

As much as he liked doing that, he had to stop. The girls would not leave him alone, making him totally annoyed and mad. Swearing and cussing at them till they left him alone. It seemed normal for him, but in the back of his mind, Jaden thought, he was bored with the world. Tired with the world’s constant complaints, Matt would always mess with people.

Too smart and cunning for his own good, Grandma would say. If you were that smart and cunning, and you couldn’t do anything with it, Jaden bet you’ll even go crazy every once in a while. He did, just not insane crazy, but crazy smart. It usually led him to do tricks and pull off amazing pranks, becoming a fearsome troublemaker in his elementary days of school. When Jaden found that out, Jaden couldn’t really believe it, but it was true.

Her older brother, Matt, was quite a trouble-maker when he was younger and a loner most of the time. Only had one friend, but he…died.

TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT it, she leaned over to see what novel of her Mother’s that the receptionist was reading as their voices trailed off. It was one of the “Hearts” novels. It was a romance series sometimes romance comedy (she’d always liked some comedy to lighten the mood) that her mother occasionally wrote, but would always go onto another idea. An unstable imagination, she would tell them, whenever it happened. Whenever she flipped stories, she’d chase them until they stuck to her like jelly does on peanut butter in a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Her stories would jump around sometimes, still she’ll always return to those she found interesting later.

Jaden smiled at the thought unknowingly. It was nice to think about Mom from time to time. Never she realise she would miss her so much. Turning to explore the new surroundings, jaden noticed someone and that person was staring right at her!

Jaden’s gaze darted away from him.

Such messy hair he had. It was the colour of midnight black. It shined a silver-blue under the bright fluorescent lights. His hair was long enough to cover his ears and his gaze was fixed in my directions. Bangs concealed his unwavering eyes from unwanted visitors. Grim determination fixed firmly on his unusual calm face. Young and handsome, yet he showed no emotion. Shifting his legs so his feet were firmly planted on the ground, he bent forwards, setting his chin on his closed hands as his elbows seem to dig into his knees, he continued to look her way.

Nervousness welled up inside Jaden. Breathing slowly, Jaden tried to ignore him. Proving rather difficult for her, Jaden couldn’t ignore him completely. The in-tense gaze of his bothered her greatly. It was almost as if he was waiting for Jaden to be alone or an extreme dislike towards her. Mostly likely it was probably something else Jaden hadn’t dared to think about.

Jaden shuddered at the thought.

Rotating away from him, she tried to avert her attention to something else, but it proved hopeless. Her focus was on the boy behind her. Being nervous made her start to sweat a bit. Jaden tried to seek a peek at him, to see if he was still staring at her, until Matt interrupted her restless thoughts.

“Jae,” he lightly tapped her shoulder. Jaden nearly jumped at the sound of his voice, but she managed to restrain herself. Could have him worry, and that wouldn’t be good in Jaden’s opinion. A worried Matt was more overprotective than usual and an overly paranoid one. “We have our key. Let’s go.”

Jaden nodded. Grabbing the rest of their belongings, he started walking. Jaden took her share of things. Glancing to see if the mysterious young man was still looking or even there, she discovered he wasn’t there anymore. An empty seat held no young man. The young man had totally vanished.

Jaden could not believe it. She didn’t want to believe it.

Before Jaden could process what could had possibly happened to him within the twenty seconds she had looked away from him, she had realised she’d seen him somewhere before. Well, not face-to-face, more like “dreamt” of him. It was all very confusing to her. Still, some parts of it made some sense. Soon Jaden was dragged off by Matt before even more wild, outrageous adaptations were made.

Last edited by Traverse Writer on Fri Mar 20, 2009 12:46 pm; edited 11 times in total
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Traverse Writer

Traverse Writer

Number of posts : 114
Age : 27
Registration date : 2009-01-22

ELECTUS (Chosen) - Chapter 1   (Part 1 & 2) Empty
PostSubject: Re: ELECTUS (Chosen) - Chapter 1 (Part 1 & 2)   ELECTUS (Chosen) - Chapter 1   (Part 1 & 2) EmptySat Feb 07, 2009 2:39 pm



LATE AFTERNOON CAME FAST, FASTER than Jaden had expected. Since they were siblings they bunked together with thanks to Mom and some “persuasions” from her brother. Jaden didn’t dare think what he did. Honestly, it felt like they were too overly protective of her.

The room was big enough for about three people, or so it seemed. Nothing was like it seemed these days. Everything needed to be a size bigger than it need to be, it was getting ludicrous and absurd. Everything was highly futuristic, so everything just happened to be bigger than it needed to be. All about space, the architects and their designs, which were wholly ridiculous sometimes because of the sizing of rooms, even the bathrooms were big.

A huge glass window pane that went from the floor and almost to the ceiling was something amazing to see. The window revealed a huge balcony with a railing around it. Being in room 242, meant you were on the third floor, the third story of the dormitories. There were seven stories in all, meaning there were 1750 rooms in all. Meaning all together, both dorms totalled up to about 3500 rooms in all. That meant there were about 10500 students in all.

What a huge school...

As it turned out, two of the buildings were the dorms like she had figured be-fore. They dropped their things on the ground, Jaden started unpacking. Matt took out his laptop and placed it on the huge desk, big enough for about five people to be at and left it there. Reluctantly, he came and helped. He wasn’t one to be not asked to help, more like asked. Must have made him uncomfortable when Jaden didn’t ask right away, she’d figured. They finished within two hours and a half. Jaden plunked herself on her bed, and he sat on his, crossed legged.

Feeling uncomfortable, Jaden rolled onto her side and faced the wall. Jaden heard Matt get off his bed, get his laptop and return to his bed. All hunched over his laptop, typing away madly. Curious, Jaden rolled over to her other side, both facing and watching him type away. It was only a matter of minutes when he groaned in frustration.

Cursing and cussing under his breath, he grunted angrily at his laptop. Evi-dently, it was not a good sign. Suddenly, he froze. Rotating to Jaden with wide eyes, he stared at her with an open mouth. Jaden guessed, he figured she’d heard him and felt uneasy. He never swore around her and Mom.


Jaden sat up in response, while tilting her head to the side, waiting. Jaden was waiting patiently for what he was going to say or do within the next few seconds. He looked as if he was going to say something important. After a few awkward moments, he gave in and spoke.

“You ain’t saying anything to Mom, right?” he enquired frantically.

Jaden shrugged. “I dunno, Matt.” she supposed absentmindedly, rolling her eyes and grinning at him. “Am I supposed to?”

“Please don’t.” He shifted uncomfortable on the bed and now faced Jaden straight on. Full discomfort showed on his face, clearly. “Jade? It was a moment of escape, of—”

Jaden cut him off. “You mean to tell me that you really can’t stop yourself from swearing when away from home?” Jaden eyed him, carefully. Her arms folded across her chest. “You know what Mom says about swearing, right?”

He grunted in annoyance. “Of course, I do.” he rolled his eyes in reply.

“Then say it.” Jaden told him.





“Hell, no!” Matt shouted.

“Yes!” She yelled back at him.

“Argh!” groaned Matt, shaking his head. Glaring at Jaden, he said, “You ain’t going to let this go, are ya?”

“Nope,” Jaden shook her head.

He scowled at her for what seemed like hours. Then he sighed deeply in defeat. “Sometimes,” he exhaled noisily as he flopped him backwards on the bed. “I wish you weren’t such a pain, Jae. My life would be made far easier that way. That, I can honestly admit to.”

“Uh-huh.” Jaden nodded in agreement, smiling sadly. “And I wish I didn’t have to be one either.”

“Hmm?” His eyebrows arched together at the sound of Jaden’s words.

“Never mind me, Matt.” she muttered out loud.

“Uh-huh.” He nodded once and returned to his work.

Jaden felt alone. As if an invisible solid brick had formed between them, divid-ing her brother and her. Sure, you’d think it would be great and all, but, somehow, not so much. Matt had always been there for her. No matter what happened. He was there. He would hold her and tell her everything would be alright.

He was just there. Always.

Jaden faced the bleak ceiling, drowning in her thoughts. Soon they drifted back towards the young man, whom she had no name for or even any identity. And yet, she’d remembered him. Bizarre as it felt, he was nameless to her.

Nothing but a blank slate. That was all he was. And probably all he’ll be. Or else, he was really him. Alaire.

But, that wasn’t possible, was it?

Alaire was from the dreams. Jaden’s scrambled thoughts fought against her wishes to go to sleep. They began to focus, only on him. Alaire. This annoyed Jaden to no end. Closing her eyes didn’t seem to help much. Tired as she was, she had no patience for games that her mind wanted to play with her. Her brain just didn’t get it. How would she get some sleep?

Jaden let out a huge breath of air, softly and unhurriedly. Her head felt a bit clearer. Better, but not fully. Still, her thoughts jumbled up in her brain and before long bowed back to him repetitively. Narrowing her eyes in disgust at the bleak ceil-ing, she nearly let out a sickened grunt. Almost.

But she sure felt like it. And she would have too.

Another dream. He was going to be there again, she could feel it. Jaden was almost too afraid to sleep. Yet, Jaden would have gratefully welcomed sleep. Sleep was most welcomed indeed. After all, she had a long day.

Apparently, he didn’t want to be disregarded. There was something about him that bugged her something terrible. It was some sort of impending doom of some kind. Jaden quietly shuddered. That didn’t sound too pleasant, at least, not to her anyway. Jaden had no desire to meet her doom any time soon. She had to live for her Mom, Grandma and Matt’s sake. Basically for everyone she knew and loved. She had to live for them, regardless.

Then a creepy thought popped into her head. What if he had been waiting for her? What if he was going to do something totally horrible to her? What if…

She nearly felt the bed flinch in sync with her body. Daring not to finish the dreaded thought, Jaden gulped. Silence filled the room.

Only Matt’s furious typing to be heard and the occasional angry mutterings to himself, Jaden let time pass by without any thought. What it was about, Jaden did not know. Paying no heed to Matt, Jaden felt the wall grow stronger. More solid than before.

Feeling a bit panicky, Jaden attempted to restore confidence to herself. Jaden wanted to sleep and forget all her troubles and worries. Yes, sleep would do her good right now. Sleep, lots and lots of good old-fashion sleep. Nothing but sleep.

A lingering thought echoed faintly in her head. Why me?

That was the only question that seemed to be connected to everything else. And the question that made the most sense in asking at times. For every single misfortune and bad luck. Jaden bit her lip in despair. Just what was wrong with the world?

Jaden couldn’t help other than be ill at ease about tomorrow. Tomorrow would be the first day of school and classes for her. What waited for her? What was in store for her tomorrow? Jaden could only guess and wonder.

It was late December turning early January.

Dread filled her mind. And Jaden couldn’t do something about it. Jaden swal-lowed hard, biting back on tears. This couldn’t be too hard, could it? Jaden sighed knowingly. It could be.

Why me?

Matt’s typing soon filled her head as she drifted off to sleep.
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ELECTUS (Chosen) - Chapter 1   (Part 1 & 2) Empty
PostSubject: Re: ELECTUS (Chosen) - Chapter 1 (Part 1 & 2)   ELECTUS (Chosen) - Chapter 1   (Part 1 & 2) EmptyFri Mar 20, 2009 12:03 am

Wow, this is great!Smile And so suspensful! I just have a few comments.. sometimes you write in 1st person as if you were Jaden like "His hair was long enough to cover his ears and his gaze was fixed in my directions. " It's kind of confusing..
Also.. at times I think you repeat some words a little too much.. I mean I get that it's part of the style but maybe you could use the word Jade a little less often?
Oh yeah and the parts where you spell some words with dashes, is that like a part of the future sort of thing?
Anyway, it's really good! can't wait to read the next chapter:)
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Traverse Writer

Traverse Writer

Number of posts : 114
Age : 27
Registration date : 2009-01-22

ELECTUS (Chosen) - Chapter 1   (Part 1 & 2) Empty
PostSubject: Re: ELECTUS (Chosen) - Chapter 1 (Part 1 & 2)   ELECTUS (Chosen) - Chapter 1   (Part 1 & 2) EmptyFri Mar 20, 2009 12:36 pm

Oh, heh heh... ^^;

I was wondering if someone would point those out sooner or later. Heh heh...

Actually the things you pointed out are my mistakes. Author mistakes, by the bunch, really. Don't worry. I'm glad someone said something.

Originally this story was going to be in first person, but it started to sound similiar to Twilight's writing and I thought you guys hated it. I was getting pretty ticked off how it was sounding and where it was going. Too limited knowledge for readers, I like explaining things in my own way, makes it more fun for me to explore the area and the story more. Although, the chapters may get longer because of that.... So, I switched it back to third person, which is waaay better in my opinion. If you see anymore, please let me know. I had written up most of the chapters in first person, so it might be a while before I get those chapters on track up to the chapters that ARE third person.

Please bare with me. ^^;

About the dash stuff... That's kind of my fault. Sorry! That ain't future speak with the dashes, my computer sometimes does it when I'm typing it up in Word. I'll keep a look out for that. But if anyone sees anymore please let me know~!

oh, and about the Jade (or is it Jaden?). I'll fix sooner or later. I usually go back to my chapters and fix stuff like that and add more and whatnot. Addie, I understand your meaning perfectly. Personally, I like a bit more vereity of words in my writing, so I usually read my dictionary. (Yes, I admit it freely. I do read it. When I'm stuck on a chapter name, ideas and such. I hope that ain't a bad habit... pale )

I hope that clears somethings that caught you off guard, Addie. Thank-you for saying its suspensful. I was kind of hoping someone would say that. So thank-you~!

I hope that's it so far... If not, please bring it up. Smile

Please continue reading the story! lol! Thank-you~!
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