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Owle Gray

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Number of posts : 163
Age : 25
Registration date : 2010-02-26

PostSubject: From Uni   Fri Oct 01, 2010 9:46 pm

Hi Everyone,

Don't know if ANYONE visits anymore Suspect but the grads did promise to post/write. Suspect And I'm going to keep my promise. Cool

Sitting on the grass
a Band playing
"A man's world."
Rain sparkling on your senses
inaudible Except for
its footsteps on your paper
(or are they rainsteps?)
A frosh burger in your stomach
Joy. and an hour later
nothng's left
except words on a page.
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Dark S3cret
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Number of posts : 458
Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-17

PostSubject: Re: From Uni   Tue Oct 26, 2010 1:56 pm

Whoakay. This is going to be tough. I'm really rusty at critiquing.

I really like the conclusion line.

I also enjoy the made up "rainsteps".

This is about your frosh experience yes?

Anyway, with especially with the presence of the rain, it has a very nostalgic feel to it. Even though it is technically a brand new experience.
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Owle Gray

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Number of posts : 163
Age : 25
Registration date : 2010-02-26

PostSubject: Re: From Uni   Tue Oct 26, 2010 3:49 pm

It's so nice to see the flashy thingies blink! (Yeah, I'm at uni and not getting sleep)

Yes, this was a frosh burger day.

It felt very nostalgic. It was one of those deja vu moments.
These were mostly things to remind me of the days past, like souvenirs, not really serving any purpose.

Here's another:
~~~
The minuet/
is woven/
into sounds of a rock band
Lit up by the light of a relflected sun
underlined by bass.
Local late-summer concert
In local open air
Amidst queens and burgers.
A single glimpse of
sun
beneath the cloud of Life
~~~

(it looks better as a calligram. but oh well)
Check out Frustration under short stories.
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