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Delrez

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Number of posts : 26
Registration date : 2009-01-23

PostSubject: Guardian   Tue Feb 03, 2009 7:37 pm

This is the first chapter of a story I've been working on for a really long time. Enjoy! study

To any passers-by, he would have seemed like a regular beggar, sitting against the dreary wall of a derelict building, in a derelict part of a dreary city. He slouched over, stained brown hood thrown over his head to protect him from the rain, mumbling softly to himself. Nobody would have supposed that he had accomplished anything in life.
They couldn’t have been more wrong.
Around midnight, one night in the beginning of September, he rose from the spot that had become quite accustomed to him. He silently glided away.

Perhaps a description of this man would help. He looked to be quite old, at least in his mid-sixties. He had long silver hair and stubble covering his face beard. The wrinkled skin around his mouth looked able to assume a frown just as easily as a smile. He was about six feet tall, with a perfectly straight back. He wore a faded green tunic under his baggy traveling cloak. The outline of a sword under the cloak was just visible on his right side. He wore pitted leather boots and gloves. His most astonishing feature, however, were his eyes. They were a breathtaking shade of emerald green, and seemed to glow slightly in the dark.
The castle loomed ahead of him now, shadowed stone on black sky. With the crescent moon just above the highest turret completing the picture, the beggar couldn’t suppress a shiver. He stealthily scaled the wall of an empty house up to the second-story balcony. From there he could see the guardhouse in front of the only bridge spanning the moat. He withdrew a stone from his pocket and threw it to the cobblestones in front of the guardhouse. The clatter was drowned out by the hum of a dozen bowstrings as a dozen arrows struck the cobblestones around the stone. There was no way he would be getting across by the bridge.
By the time he had circled to the other side of the moat, the moon had moved enough to light that side of the castle. Silently, he lowered himself into the water, and in no time at all was at the other side. The rumours of deathly fish and starved monsters held nothing to the truth, he realized; the most dangerous thing in that moat was sewage. Not that it bothered him, of course. He had been through much worse.

Had anyone looked out of a castle window, they would have seen a tall figure, dripping slightly and illuminated from behind, coming towards them. Luckily, all who lived in the castle either believed in beauty sleep or were at that moment cooking breakfast for those who did. The man started counting the turrets. He walked over to the third one to the left. The he started counting the windows on the turret. The fifth window was illuminated faintly from inside.
The man closed his eyes, muttered something under his breath, and locked his knees. He felt a rising sensation in his stomach, and stepped forward. He opened his eyes. He was standing in the ledge of the fifth window, which he was now observing. It was an intricate stained-glass window, about six feet of length and four feet of height. With a deep breath, he kicked at it. Just as his foot would have made contact, the glass suddenly moved! The entire window jumped into the air just inside the castle, and stayed there. Breathing heavily, the man crept through the empty hole. He walked around to the other side of the window, and gently pushed it back into place. When he let go, the glass stayed put, as if nothing had happened. The man turned to look at the room he had come in to. A low fire provided the only light. It illuminated dozens of tables, strewn with papers and equipment. Maps, diagrams, even battle plans were laid out. It was clearly a study of some sort. One table in particular caught the man’s eye. It was the farthest from the window, tucked away a corner, cast in shadow. The man walked over to it. There was only one paper that covered most of the table’s surface. The four corners were set with paperweights in the shape of miniature gargoyles. He scanned the paper. With what little light he had he saw that it was a map. His eyes found the bottom left corner, where a signature was just visible. The man smiled. This was what he had come for.
“Briar.”
The man spun around, in a defensive stance. At the sight of the man in the doorway, he showed no sign of relaxing, but allowed himself a small chuckle. “I suppose the honour should be mine, Juve, but somehow it isn’t.”
The man in the doorway scowled. “What do you want, Briar?”
Briar chuckled again. “I think that you know.”
The man nodded. “You can’t have it.”
“Says who?”
Now it was the Juve’s turn to chuckle. “Me,” he said. “And my army.”
Suddenly, Briar heard a faint clattering noise coming from outside the door. Soldiers running. Not good. “Now surrender or be destroyed, rebel,” said Juve confidently. “No third option.”
“Really? How much on that?” laughed Briar.
Juve scowled again. “I don’t wager with scum. Now surrender or be destroyed.”
Behind their confident demeanours, both men were calculating at lightning speed. Briar thought of how to grab the map and get past Juve. He couldn’t go through the window. He would have to push it out, and he wasn’t strong enough to hold it that high up. He couldn’t simply smash through it, as the frame was solid iron.
Juve thought of how to stop Briar without him using his powers. He desperately hoped that the traps he had set on the map would be effective. The clattering sound outside was much louder now.
Briar made a quick decision and reached out for the map. Instantly he heard a hissing noise and saw that the gargoyle paperweights were emitting a strange green gas through their gaping mouths. He felt his skin itch uncontrollably. He couldn’t even touch the map without a horrible sting going up his arm. With his other hand he deftly grabbed the side of the map, to find that it wouldn’t move! The gargoyles were too heavy. Slowly, with one hand, he dragged each gargoyle off the paper. The soldiers were almost at the door. Juve was nowhere to be seen.
Briar stuffed the map into his cloak and ran out the door, with the soldiers right on his heels. He ran through the castle halls, past doors now opening, their bleary-eyed occupants gaping at him. He ran past a dining hall where already servants were preparing breakfast. He ran past a flight of stairs leading down to the kitchens. The soldiers were right behind him. At the end of the corridor was a spiral staircase. Without breaking pace he ran up the stairs. He ran for what seemed like an eternity, cursing whoever had designed such a big castle. He ran to the very top; to the guard tower seven storeys in the air. Breathless, he backed against the ledge. The guards now came up. There were no more than a dozen. They had Briar cornered. There was no way he could escape. The grins on the faces of the soldiers turned to looks of complete incomprehension as Briar leaned over the ledge backwards. The soldiers hurried to the ledge and peered over to see the old man falling, limbs spread, cloak flapping behind him. He fell seven stories. Just as he would have hit the ground, then it suddenly opened up and let him in. Then the hole simply closed up, leaving no trace of the mysterious old man.

Feedback? Please? Gabby? Anybody?

- Delrez [a.k.a. Alex the 9er]
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cheesemonster

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PostSubject: Re: Guardian   Wed Feb 04, 2009 11:52 am

“Briar.”
The man spun around, in a defensive stance. At the sight of the man in the doorway, he showed no sign of relaxing, but allowed himself a small chuckle. “I suppose the honour should be mine, Juve, but somehow it isn’t.”

YOU HAVE AMAZING NAMES ALEX XD.

it's great 8]. At first I thought you were describing yourself 8]. Then I realized your hair was brown and not silver. LOLOLOLOLOL.

heh. >.> so no one has read my other posts D= fail. will you? D=.

GREAT PICTURE BY THE WAY 8D.
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MinglerX

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PostSubject: Re: Guardian   Tue Feb 17, 2009 9:57 pm

AWESOME. And I agree with Gabby, I had a little bit of a namegasm while I was reading.

The only things that I'm gonna be nitpicky about were the exclamation marks, which annoy me in prose unless it's dialogue.

It was reeeally good. Please post more, I am interested. Smile

P.S. JUVE AND BRIAR WIN. Where do you find your names, son?
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Delrez

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PostSubject: Re: Guardian   Tue Feb 17, 2009 10:18 pm

Oop I guess this is the version before I took out all the ExMarx. Yes I am rather nitpicky about them too, even though I often catch myself doing it! [case in point] Just try to ignore them.
and @ Both of you: I just came up with Juve randomly cuz it sounds royal [he's the king, in case you hadn't picked up on that] and the name Briar actually relates to the backstory of the world this is set in. Although this is a huge plot spoiler, his name means "Guardian" [hence the title]. Since I'm here, I'll just say that the Guardians, or Briari, are an ancient order that are in no way affiliated to Jedi or Dragon Riders, except in general subject matter. But there are only ever 10 Guardians in existance at any given time, and most of them don't know about eachother, so they have no governing force and are prone to corruption, which gives the good ones, like Briar, a bad name. It's a lot more complicated than that and involves quite a bit of rape and murder, but that's the general gist of it.
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cheesemonster

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PostSubject: Re: Guardian   Wed Feb 18, 2009 11:37 am

YAAY RAPE AND MURDER I LOVE THOSE THINGS YOU HAPPY HAPPY MAN Laughing . WHAO I'm watching cougar vision right now =D. YAY FOR ME.

lololoololo no way affiliated with Jedi or Dragon riders XD ROFL.

nice. WTH DO YOU MEAN BY EXMARX? do you mean exclamation marks? CUZ THIS IB LINGO IS NEW TO ME PEOPLE. gosh darnit.
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cheesemonster

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PostSubject: Re: Guardian   Wed Feb 18, 2009 11:45 am

oh jah and your avatar is amazing Serena
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Delrez

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PostSubject: Re: Guardian   Wed Feb 18, 2009 11:22 pm

well i just made exMarx up
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cheesemonster

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PostSubject: Re: Guardian   Fri Feb 20, 2009 6:16 pm

OH XD LOLOLOL NOW I FEEL STUPID. teehee at me
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Dark S3cret
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PostSubject: Re: Guardian   Sun Mar 01, 2009 2:01 pm

The dialogue was a little hackneyed at some parts, but overall, very enjoyable. Can't say too much just yet about characters and plot, but the writing style reminds me of the Inheritance series.

I'd like to see where this goes ~
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