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Sarabi

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PostSubject: Not Sure Where To Go With This...   Thu Mar 18, 2010 3:33 pm

The large kitchen was awash in the smell of spices as Verna bustled through the scented steam that filled her domain. The halfling hummed cheerfully as she worked, knowing she had truly outdone herself with this recipe. The master would be well pleased when the perfected dish was represented at dinner, and served to the family. Even Lady Vaeri and Lady Vivex and Lady Vivex might like the taste, though she doubted it. The twin granddaughters of Lord Livezzen weren’t so fond of blatantly spicy foods, and Lady Vaeri made her distaste known whether it was appropriate or not.

Verna sighed as she considered the girls. She had raised them with the rest of their grandfather’s staff, teaching them the core values of their lineage. Both girls had acquired most of the skills required of the Order of Bahamut, but Vaeri wasn’t as enthusiastic as her sister to defeat the evils in this world. Instead, she had been caught multiple times sneaking instruments from the music room, and practicing complex dances in the fencing court rather than her assigned weapons drills. Verna’s movements became hectic as thoughts of the strange girl passed through her head. It must be their mother’s influence, she decided. Who else but a half-elf could be so unfocused?

Vivex was by far the more disciplined; a fine paladin of the Order. The twins frequently accompanied Livizzen on his campaigns and quests, and she was already making a name for herself as a hero, a protector of innocents. Unlike her sister, who hung back and distracted enemies with her pitiful mage-work, not actually participating in battles. Vivex would never insult a soup she disliked, and would probably ask Verna to make it again sometime. The thought brought a smile to Verna’s soft face, and she silently vowed to always put sweetmeats on the girl’s plate.

................................................................................................................
Part A of uncertainty:
-If and when I do continue this, where would it go in the forum? The characters, storyline, and most of the specific settings (other than cities) are mine, but they exist in Forgotten Realms, which is owned by Wizards of the Coast and created by Ed Greenwood.
- There are authors who have published their works based in Forgotten Realms, like R.A. Salvatore, but each book has a thing about trademarks of Wizards of the coast. Maybe I should stick that in at the front of my work?

Part B of uncertainty:
-I'm worried that people unfamiliar with intense fantasy settings will be intimidated by all the strange things that exist in Forgotten realms, like halflings, dragons, giants, demons, wizards/sorcerers, etc. And I won't be pausing the story to say "Oh, and silver dragons are Lawful Good, which means blah blah blah blah blah..."
Heeeeeeeelp!! study

Oh, and people who know what Wizards of the Coast is, please refrain from mentioning it. Ever. I have no wish to be shunned and stereotyped by people who don't understand true geekdom.
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Traverse Writer

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PostSubject: Re: Not Sure Where To Go With This...   Thu Mar 18, 2010 8:51 pm

Hello! I thought this was very well done. Shocked I have to read some of these books, I nearly got through one but had to give it back to my brother's friend so I didn't get to the end. Sad

But I'm not sure if it requires you to put the trademarks but I would anyway if you think of publishing this. It's what I think. Anyway, anyone who does NOT know the greatest of the Wizards of the Coast, I'd advise you to look it up. It's interesting if you love fantasy stuff. Think of it as being something like the Lord of the Rings only different. Yeah, I think that's one way to put it. Suspect

As for where to put this, is this all of it? If not, then what have you got planned? Is it a short story or a novelish story (I know NOT a WORD but whatever). scratch

I have to admit the Order of Bahumut made me laugh. Not to offend, I just play too many final Fantasy games with Bahumut always blasting my butt away. O>O Seriously, HE is SCARY! pale When he's evil. When good, just AWESOMENESS! *ahem* I'm going off topic, but yeah if you don't know all the fantasy stuff, you'd get pretty lost. So I'd advise brush up on your fantasy readings! I know there are some books like these in the school's library if I'm not wrong. silent

BUT good job! cheers
Sadly I don't see anything wrong...if you wanted crit. Sad
But my gosh! I hope this helped any... Neutral
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Owle Gray

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PostSubject: Re: Not Sure Where To Go With This...   Thu Mar 18, 2010 10:25 pm

Repeat?: line 3, 'Even Lady Vaeri and Lady Vivex and Lady Vivex might like the taste, '

I wouldn't know about trademarks...

B: Don't think you need to bother with the explanations. If people don't get the allusions/characters, they can look them up. As long as your writing is consistent by itself and you know the characters, it does not matter that some of your audience knows more about them than some other part of your audience. IMHO.
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Sarabi

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PostSubject: Re: Not Sure Where To Go With This...   Sat Mar 20, 2010 10:14 pm

Thanks Very Happy R.A. Salvatore is unbelievably brilliant.

Until I work this out properly in my head, I think I'll keep it here in Plot Bunnies. With the trademark blurb. It doesn't have chapters yet, so it should be fine for a bit.

Actually, Wizards of the Coast is way cooler than Lord of the Rings queen , although salvatore took a lot of elements from the series for the first few Drizzt books.

I haven't played Final Fantasy, so I have no idea why Bahamut would ever be evil. He's the good deity of dragon kind, after all. And I completely agree that more people should read fantasy novels. And play RPGs.

Thanks for catching that! There was a bit of confusion with the names there, and whether I should use their full first names or not.

I hope you're right about that. I'm going to try to keep it easy to follow, though.

P.S.-Any input at all is welcome, since intense fantasy is a new genre for me. study
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Sarabi

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PostSubject: Re: Not Sure Where To Go With This...   Sat Mar 20, 2010 10:28 pm

FORGOTTEN REALMS is a registered trademark of Wizards of the Coast, Inc., a subsidiary of Hasbro, Inc.

Forgotten Realms and it's distinctive environments do not belong to me. They belong to Wizards of the Coast, Inc.

However, my characters and stories do belong to me. So don't be copying them.
(Not that any of you would)
.................................................................................................................

In the hallway outside the kitchen, Vaeri crept by the open door, silently thanking Hlal that Verna couldn’t see through the steam, which was thick enough for a dagger to cut. Then she winced inwardly, for Hlal was not the god she had been raised to serve. Hopefully Bahamut would forgive her for the pretense.

Then her nose wrinkled in disgust as the scent of spices struck her. The cook had ignored her hints to serve normal food yet again. Vaeri continued along the broad corridor, heading silently for Grandfather’s library, where her friend Amosen Glimdraught waited.

Slipping into the room, she saw the poor boy hovering anxiously behind a desk. He really had no heart for adventure, and even this clandestine meeting seemed to be making him sweat.
“Vaeri!” he gasped, and nearly tripped over his own feet in his hurry to reach her. Vaeri found herself wondering how he had ever survived his apprenticeship, with such awful coordination. “I made it, it actually worked, Vaeri.”

She narrowed her silver eyes at him. “Amosen...” The last time he had said that, a mountain had fallen on top of them both.

“In all truths, it does work.” He pulled a folded piece of cloth out from a hidden pocket in his robes, eager to show her his handiwork. “By Bahamut, I swear it won’t explode this time. Although why you would light a bag of holding on fire is beyond me.”

“You never told me it was dangerous." Then she remebered something he had told her."You said lighting it on fire wouldn’t be necessary this time. Why?” Vaeri took the bag of holding from him, and moved to tuck it away in her belt pouch. Her friend’s hand stopped her.

“Try reaching inside.” The wizard sounded inordinately pleased with himself, and she tentatively reached a hand into the mouth of the bag. Shocking heat emanated from within, and she yanked her hand back out, for fear that it would burn to a crisp. Vaeri suddenly beamed at Amosen, and hugged him impulsively.

“It’s perfect! How did you do it?”

“The question isn’t how I fashioned this item, it’s why.” Vaeri glanced at her friend’s face, which was no longer eager, but grim and tense.

“What are you saying? You promised not to ask questions.”

“I know what I promised, Vaeri. But I also know that you almost tore a hole in the very fabric of this plane!” He took hold of her shoulders, and seemed on the verge if shaking answers out of her. “What in the Nine Hells were you thinking? What task is so important, so secret, that you can share it neither with me nor with your own twin?”

“I can’t tell you, not yet at least. I swear by the Platinum Dragon, I will tell you of my plan when I return from the raid today.”

“Nice try. I know that an oath by Bahamut has no hold on you.”

“Alright then, I swear on the— someone’s coming.” She stiffened, and bolted from his grasp, out the door.

Not a minute later, Vorelvivex strode in from the opposite direction, having just missed her sister. She looked around warily, and just about pounced on Amosen when she saw him. In half plate armour and carrying a masterwork longsword, Vaeri’s twin looked ready to impale something. Hopefully that something wasn’t a wizard.

“Have you seen my sister? Grandfather wants her in the courtyard now.”

“I, ah, I don’t know, um, she...I don’t know.” His distress made the confused statement into a question. He had always felt intimidated by Vaeri’s twin, who hated magic and therefore hated Amosen. Also, he had no skill with bluffing in the first place.

She looked at him in disbelief.“You don’t know if you’ve seen her? Tell the truth, elf.”

Incidentally, Vorelvivex also hated most lying. Most, because she herself lied on occasion for the sake of others.

“Um, that is, she might be preparing for the raid?”

Vivex didn’t bother to correct him. The upcoming battle was obviously a quest, not a raid. Instead her expression turned shrewd, and she took note of the fact that the wizard’s cheeks were turning red, and he kept looking at his feet, hidden as they were beneath his robe.

“Never mind. I’ll find her myself.” With that, she turned and left, presumably to locate Vaeri.

Once she was gone, Amosen slumped into a chair, enormously relieved that she had stopped trying to interrogate him. Vorelvivex, called Vivex by those who actually felt comfortable around the sword-wielding paladin, did not give up on her suspicions lightly.
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Sarabi

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PostSubject: Re: Not Sure Where To Go With This...   Sat Mar 20, 2010 11:00 pm

Oh, and the language that a few of my character's names are in is draconic, which also belongs to Wizards of the Coast, Inc.

The names in draconic are Vaerimiirik (Dancing Song) and Vorelvivex (Beautiful Victory)

Livezzen's and Verna's names will be changing, because their names really don't belong to me. They both came from Wizards of the Coast.

Maybe I will put this in fanfiction...changing names could become very tedious. Neutral
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Sarabi

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PostSubject: Re: Not Sure Where To Go With This...   Mon Mar 22, 2010 8:16 pm

Haha! I have decided to not base my story in Forgotten realms; instead I will make up the world myself. Also, the story seems to be veering away from fanfictionesque stuff and will be moving to novels. lol!
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Sarabi

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PostSubject: Re: Not Sure Where To Go With This...   Mon Mar 22, 2010 8:38 pm

Ignore that last. Pain meds do strange things to reason. I'm actually putting it in fanfiction to be cautious. Embarassed
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