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 Ashes of a Writer

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Traverse Writer

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Number of posts : 114
Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-22

PostSubject: Ashes of a Writer   Thu Jan 29, 2009 4:55 pm

ASHES OF A WRITER



From a shining pearl to breathing ashes is a writer’s journey,
How so?

The shining pearl,
Beautiful and gleaming with thousands of ideas,
Freshly picked from the burrowing clam,
shines beautifully in the morning sun.

The breathing ashes,
Leftovers of a dying fire,
Dancing and crying out
Wishes and desires endlessly.

From a roaring fire to breathing ruins,
From grains of sand to dazzling treasures,
the words flow continuously from my mind and heart.

It is mine to keep,
as an eternal artist of words.


[I hope it ain't too weird]
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Dark S3cret
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Number of posts : 458
Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-17

PostSubject: Re: Ashes of a Writer   Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:21 pm

I really like the images you spell out for us in the poem. They're very vivid.

I particularly liked the lines about the breathing ashes and leftovers of a dying fire. The morning sun also strikes me as really eloqueht, for some odd reason, cliched imagery though it may be.

I would like to suggest that there is some repitition that bothers me, but it's just a pet peeve more than anything.

Beautiful and gleaming with thousands of ideas,
Freshly picked from the burrowing clam,
shines beautifully in the morning sun.

They're set in really close proximity, so it might help to find a synonym?

Also, in the third and fourth stanzas, you bring up fire twice. I'm not sure if that was purposeful, because it seemed like, overall, each stanza was focusing on different image.
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Traverse Writer

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Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-01-22

PostSubject: Re: Ashes of a Writer   Wed Feb 11, 2009 6:10 pm

Thanks Angela.

I shall fix that. I didn't notice until now. tongue Which is weird but then again, I haven't looked at them since the summer, so that could explain. But other than that, I believe I'll check into the synonym and edit the poem.

Each stanza is refering to my name and pen name. An inside joke fore me. I thought it would seem strange to people, but I'll explain.

Megan = pearl
Ash = ashes

If it's still not too clear. Please let me know and I'll try my best. But really, it more meaningful to me than to another unless they understand what I'm trying to refer to.

Sort of thinking outside the box here.

Eh heh heh... Very Happy
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