HomeCalendarFAQSearchMemberlistRegisterLog in


 The Apathetic Mask

Go down 


Number of posts : 6
Registration date : 2009-10-29

The Apathetic Mask Empty
PostSubject: The Apathetic Mask   The Apathetic Mask EmptyThu Feb 18, 2010 5:48 pm

The high-pitched wail of the heart monitor reverbrated throughout the emergency room. It was soon joined by the parents’ cries of despair as they clutched their pale child’s lifeless hand. The nurse's blank face automatically turned away to give the couple some privacy. It was like a routine endlessly followed. Innocent patients die, loved ones mourn. Many couldn’t take this kind of daily agony, hastily leaving their jobs. But some were a different case.

She closed the door and silently made her way through the painfully bright hospital, the doctor’s uniform whispering softly as she walked. Countless cries of distress and irrevocable pain filled the room, but to her they all were patients -none individuals nor different- evoking no emotions. Turning her head, her face unfathomable, she looked down to see a burnt victim standing in front ofher. The scarred face looked into hers. Large eyes emanated old pain, both physical and psych... She hastily looked away, no tears falling from her eyes. Only a subtle determined expression remaining.

She slowly pushed open the washroom door, accustomed to its cold touch. Splashing cold, refreshing tapwater onto her face, she looked into the mirror. An indifferent face stared back, the once caring eyes now seemingly cold. Suddenly her pager notified her of another emergeny patient and a lightingfast flash of panic sweeps across her face. I look back into my reflection, my invisible thick mask has a thin crack etched into it. Slowly, I smooth back my hair and the crack becomes no more than a faint scar, barely visible. A listless face stares back and when the pager beeps for a second time, the blank eyes do not blink. She retraces her steps back out the restroom, all evidence of emotion-and her old self- gone.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Dark S3cret
Dark S3cret

Number of posts : 458
Age : 26
Registration date : 2009-01-17

The Apathetic Mask Empty
PostSubject: Re: The Apathetic Mask   The Apathetic Mask EmptyMon Feb 22, 2010 7:21 pm

Hmm... you captured a really interesting feeling here, I cannot quite pinpoint the word for it.

I like your take on the prompt, dark, and yet really meaningful as well. I think, to a certain point, as we previously discussed, we need to be apathetic in order to protect ourselves.

Your prose is really good, and your vocabulary/diction is quite effective too.

I was curious about the change in point of view in the third paragraph, where it becomes first person? That was intentional, I assume, because it's really effective. It's like we get a glimpse of the doctor not being detached and apathetic, a glimpse of the person behing the mask.

Anyway, all in all, it was really good and I liked it alot.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
The Apathetic Mask
Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
» Sleep Mask - crochet
» my batman mask bust !
» MICHAEL CRAWFORD signed Phantom mask - also Ramin Karimloo available

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
P.W.N. People Writing Nonsense! :: Original Works :: Writing Exercises-
Jump to: