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Sarabi

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Number of posts : 78
Age : 24
Registration date : 2009-10-25

PostSubject: Keyword: Apathy   Wed Jan 27, 2010 7:27 pm

The child stood on the tips of her bare toes to carefully pat the last volume into place, and beamed at the result. Seven shelves of perfectly alphabetized literature was a huge accomplishment for her, as her books were usually scattered and stacked all manner of strange places. It had taken her a whole week to find them all, and now it was done, perfect in every way. She hummed a cheerful ditty, starting to dance to the music she was composing in her head. Twirling around her bedroom, she danced more and more manically, not caring when her own hair struck her face. The old door creaked open, revealing a quiet woman dressed in black. The girl ran to her and tugged on her pant leg.
“Aunt Gee, Aunt Gee, look at this!” Proudly she indicated the newly stocked bookshelf with a point, almost dragging the woman over, as if she couldn’t see her work perfectly well from the doorway.
“Hush, Maggie. We’ve got a cab waiting to take us to the funeral. Don’t you want to say goodbye to your Mama?” As she spoke, the woman crouched down to the girl’s level, taking her hand gently.
“But I want to dance. Will you dance with me?” Maggie pulled out the puppy-look, the one that always worked on grownups. A tear escaped from Aunt Gee’s eye. Was she sad?
“Please, Maggie, let’s go.”
“Why? Funerals are boring. Dancing isn’t.” Confused, she tugged on the woman’s hand, trying to pull her into a spin.
“Maggie, what’s wrong with you? Your mother is dead, don’t you realize that?!” Aunt Gee was sobbing now, angry rivers of salt water making their way down her very red face. Her sister was gone, and had left this apathetic thing behind to Gee.
“Of course I know that. I’m not dumb, you know.” Suddenly, an idea came to Maggie. “Will you buy me a book if I go?” She gazed hopefully at her new caregiver, doing her very best to look angelic.
Smack.


.........................................................................
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Sarabi

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Number of posts : 78
Age : 24
Registration date : 2009-10-25

PostSubject: Re: Keyword: Apathy   Wed Jan 27, 2010 8:26 pm

I've decided that this piece needs a commentary. Or maybe i just like writing about my own work.
Anyway, Aunt Gee was originally a social worker named Miss Brown, but i needed someone who was emotionally connected to the deceased.
Also, Maggie ended up going to her mother's funeral against her will and without a new book.
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Dark S3cret
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Number of posts : 458
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Registration date : 2009-01-17

PostSubject: Re: Keyword: Apathy   Thu Jan 28, 2010 8:47 pm

Ahahaha. You and your creepy child characters. >.>
Well, I mean, they're brilliantly characterized children. But always kind of creepy.

Is this finished?

Anyway. I like how, despite it's shortness you manage to have a little bit of suspense inlaid in it, since you threw in the apathetic thing in near the end. Overall, solid little piece of work.

Thanks for posting.
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Sarabi

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Number of posts : 78
Age : 24
Registration date : 2009-10-25

PostSubject: Re: Keyword: Apathy   Thu Jan 28, 2010 11:45 pm

not all of my child characters are creepy. I think. I have to check this....

No literary piece will ever be finished. It kinda goes with the territory of being a writer Very Happy
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Sarabi

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Number of posts : 78
Age : 24
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PostSubject: Re: Keyword: Apathy   Fri Jan 29, 2010 12:16 am

kaya isn't creepy when she's a kid. she's almost normal. and maggie isn't that creepy, she just doesn't care. But yeah, most of my others do seem very creepy. I wonder why that is... study
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