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 We Are The Banished

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MiNgLeR ~Y~

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Number of posts : 48
Age : 24
Registration date : 2009-03-09

PostSubject: We Are The Banished   Fri Jan 22, 2010 5:32 pm

"We are the banished..."

"The unwanted..."

"The "abominations"..."

"We, are you..."


"Three years from now. Your government will uncover an underground species, similar to humans, but not unknown to them. You have known about us for centuries. You have worshiped us. And now, you contain us. Or at least, you will try."

"Five years from now. You will attempt to clip our wings and deprive us of flight. We will have no such thing, though we have grown flightless. You will attempt to deprive us of the food and shelter that, as we understand it, many of your races have fought for. You do not understand. But you will. "


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Geoff's eyes flew open. Was it a dream?

" Oh, thank god." a woman leaned over him, and began to kiss his forehead a mile a minute. She was big. Round even. And she was his mother.

" Oh?" Geoff looked skyward. Florescent lights. And beside him stood a rack, on which there hung a plastic bag. Full of a yellow... " Oh...Oh! Oh my God! A hospital?" he exclaimed, still groggy.

His mother slapped him and gave him a menacing glare " What have I told you about using the lords name in vain?!" she said in her thick, Louisianan accent.

" Geez, Margie." He rubbed his face with his left hand. His right seemed to be bound to the bed. When his mother saw him pull at his bindings, she began to cry. She cried a loud and obnoxious cry that seemed to fill the entire room. Beyond the cloth curtain that enclosed them.

Margie lowered her voice and a nurse, clad in her white, rather cliche outfit, and short skirt trotted in through the curtain with sassy little steps. Geoff ogled at the fact that she could walk in the first place, with the height of her bright red high heels.

He chucked to himself and wondered if he was on the set of a porno. If he was being Punk'd, or some other adverse bi-product of wrath. His mother swatted him on the back of his head again.

"Lets check you out." she said, her voice betraying her features. Her voice was a mix of dying cats and a moose. Though it had a certain umph to it.

" For what?" he cocked his head quizzically.

" You tell me." she said, jamming a rather cold thermometer underneath his tongue. Geoff looked up at his mother who immediately began to cry again, this time throwing herself on top of Geoff, and wrapping her sausage-like fingers around his throat.

The nurse looked taken aback for a moment before attempting to help Geoff. His mother, with one sweep of her arm, knocked the nurse off of her feet, hitting her her head on the attached bedside table. No surprise there. Geoff grasped at his mother with his one free hand and managed to land one or two solid punches, but to no avail.

He struggled for air, his quickening heartbeat making it way into his throat.

A couple people in the surrounding cubicles questioned the goings on. But he couldn't speak. And they couldn't move.

" We are you..." an unknown voice said gently, as Geoff's vision began to blur. Geoff gagged and looked at his mother. Her expression was grim, her face was as red as a cherry. She scowled when she noticed him looking at her and tightened her grip.

His heart beat grew faster still.

" We are you..." the soothing voice repeated. His vision further deteriorated. The last clear picture he saw through the barely open curtains was another nurse, in much more appropriate attire, making her way into the room, checking in on another bound patient who appeared to be sleeping, then leaving.

Geoff wanted to scream. He wanted to yell. Instead, he looked into his mothers eyes once more, pleading for air. Tears streamed down her face, landing on her pale,chubby hands, now tightening their grip even further. Such patience... he thought to himself

He gave up.

" We are the Banished..."

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A clip from a novel/ not short story story that I'm working on that will probably never come to fruition. ELEEPHANT!

elephant


Last edited by MiNgLeR ~Y~ on Tue Feb 02, 2010 4:13 pm; edited 2 times in total
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MiNgLeR ~Y~

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Number of posts : 48
Age : 24
Registration date : 2009-03-09

PostSubject: Re: We Are The Banished   Sat Jan 23, 2010 3:14 pm

Comment pleeease!
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Dark S3cret
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Number of posts : 458
Age : 26
Registration date : 2009-01-17

PostSubject: Re: We Are The Banished   Thu Jan 28, 2010 8:44 pm

... Whaaa?

On the otherhand. I like the mysterious refrain of the Banished. I also have a penchant for novels/movies/stories with government/dystopia type settings.

HOWEVER, you might want to take a look at those typos. And... hm... I spot some repetition that kind of bothers me -- I think if you get rid of it, it will help the effect of the refrain.
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Sarabi

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Number of posts : 78
Age : 25
Registration date : 2009-10-25

PostSubject: Re: We Are The Banished   Wed Feb 10, 2010 9:15 pm

This piece has me very confused... why is his mom trying to kill him? confused
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