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Dark S3cret
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Number of posts : 458
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Registration date : 2009-01-17

PostSubject: BusRide   Mon Nov 23, 2009 11:36 pm

The world passes by, bright and phantasmagorical, as speed whips it into a tornado of indefinable sights. You think you see a face here and there, as you peer out the murky window; catching fleeting glimpses of their blank eyes, or mouths as they form words you cannot hear; other times they’re completely featureless, just a haze.

As you look higher up the horizon, signs and billboards imprint their vibrant displays in your retinas. You close your burning eyes, pushing your fingers against them; feeling relieved as the pressure numbs the pain, and you watch the black warp into other shades of cold colors on the inside of your eyelids. When you let go and open them again, the sunlight zealously greets your irises, forcing you to turn away. It’s not that big a deal, there isn’t much to look at. Even if you did want to get a second glance, you wouldn’t be able to. The things you saw moments before have already passed by, far behind you and you don’t feel like turning around to meet the cold stares of the other passengers.

A loud splat makes you recoil instinctively, your heart pounding suddenly as adrenaline floods your veins. You stare at the window, your view of the outside world distorted by the water and you’re mesmerized by the drops dripping down the glass like tiny waterfalls, reflecting the sunlight through myriad layers. Your breath mists the inside of the glass, as you lean closer to mark their progress with a finger; following with fascination as they cross and overlap the perpetually still, thick horizontal streaks clinging from the splash.

Slowly you watch it all seep away and you feel saddened. Withdrawing your fingers, as you narrow your eyes, the feeling weighs your spirits down like lead. It’s all gone. Just like everything else you’ve tried to hold on to…

Your view blurs once more and you press your palm against the cool glass, dragging it across, hoping to see more clearly. Lifting your hand, you peer at the effect. It didn’t make much of a difference, you think, as you bite your lips, feeling your body start to tremble. Leaning against the window, you’re clearly aware of how dirty it must be, but you find you can’t care any less. It’s still blurry, even more so now. You blink tiredly and it clears a bit. The dawning realization forms acceptance on your tongue, and shame in your heart… pathetic, you scold yourself.

Terribly aware of them now, you feel the tears trickle down your skin, and you try to wipe them away inconspicuously.

Though there’s no need, no one is ever going to notice.
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Sarabi

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PostSubject: Re: BusRide   Tue Nov 24, 2009 11:08 pm

why is this character so depressed? is there a reason yet, or will there ever be one?

creepy, the stuff about the window is so realistic and descriptive, i feel a certain sense of deja vu Very Happy
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Dark S3cret
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PostSubject: Re: BusRide   Wed Nov 25, 2009 6:43 pm

I'm not sure if a real concrete reason exists. When I wrote this two years ago, I remember I just wanted to portray ... Well, you know that feeling sometimes you get? When you're alone and all of a sudden you feel so sad, like you can actually feel your spirits just plummet, and your heart feels sore -- and you just want someone to hold you, but then you realize you're alone? But you don't even know why you feel so sad...?

Yeah. That kind of a feeling. XD So, I don't know if that would could as any kind of reason at all -- it's a short story made of very little plot substance, but very heavy on the emotion and description end. Does that make sense?

Very Happy Haha. In which case, I would point out that we both seem to have a certain knack for creepy.
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Sarabi

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PostSubject: Re: BusRide   Wed Nov 25, 2009 11:08 pm

Yeah, I used to get that almost every day. not so much anymore, but i guess that's how the descriptions got to me.

sure it makes sense Very Happy life is like being high, you have to crash sometime, even if things were good a second ago.

Very Happy Arrow Crying or Very sad

I wouldn't call my stuff knackful(is that even a word?) it just kinda comes out, even if I want it to be happy.
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Dark S3cret
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PostSubject: Re: BusRide   Wed Nov 25, 2009 11:17 pm

LOL. I don't think knackful is a word. Very Happy

And yes, so true. =]
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